When I tell people that I identify as a lesbian I find that I often have people make comments to me like “oh, but you don’t look gay” or “yeah, I could tell by the way you dress and carry yourself.” I have always found it very strange how people can have such different opinions and views of someone simply from the way they dress and look. It has always bothered me when people would say to me that “I don’t look gay.” What is gay supposed to look like? How am I supposed to respond to that? In this class we have discussed a lot about how our bodies are mediums and are really important for expressing ourselves to the world around us. Not everything that I do is to express that I am gay. I dress the way I do because it is comfortable and because it is what I like, not to make sure that my sexual orientation is known. Some days I wear dresses, and other days I wear jeans and boots which some would say make me look more “masculine” but I dress and carry myself the way I do because it is what is comfortable for me. Which is really important for me since it has only been recently that I have felt comfortable with my body and my style. Most people wouldn’t respond to someone who says that they are straight with “oh, you don’t look straight” so why is it believed to be okay to say it to someone who is not. Especially when people follow the statement with, “it’s a compliment that you don’t.” How a statement like that is supposed to be a complement is beyond me. I am just living my life in the most comfortable way that I can and know how to at this point.
Unruly Bodies 
I feel that a major reason why people would comment on “the gayness of an appearance” is due to the social creation of “gay”. As noted in Spade’s article, the gay identity was invented, even though the existence of gay identity existed before its invention. Then, it would be subject to Foucault’s model of power, in which discussion around “gayness” is generated, through uncoordinated agencies, one of which would be individuals in society.
I suppose why people would comment on your appearance is that they feel a need to socially enforce notions of appearance and sexuality.
I feel really similarly, though I only get the “you don’t look gay” comments and not the “yeah I could tell” which is really frustrating for me. I went to the Philadelphia OutFest a few weeks ago and I was with one of my friends who looks “more queer” than I do and people talked to me like I was her tag-along straight friend. I guess the way I make up for it is being really loud about the fact that I am queer, but it’s really hard when people only judge based on appearance. I’ve resolved not to change how I dress or wear my hair or whatever in order to fit in, because I don’t want to be uncomfortable for the sake of recognition, but it still makes me sad.
It’s really that you mentioned this because this was something that i think every now and then but not that often anymore because i just came into realization that what people think gay or lesbian person looks like is social contracted that we are all more complex than that but i can remember countless times where I’ve head the same thing to me because one I’m black (lesbians are seen a white thing), my body type (I’m thick, fat ass, flat tummy, merit size boobs lol this funny), i have longish hair and just my overall appearance is “feminine” therefore my sexuality is questioned. I see my felinity and masculinity in many different things and ways that are beyond clothes; some things people cant see and it;s just my mental state that can be very masculine and just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean I’m not living in a masculine way. Also gender has always been a big then when differentiating between sexualities. A cis person can be gay a non binary person can be straight. How we look may or may not determine our sexuality. I honestly stopped caring if i looked gay enough anymore because looking gay isn’t the point anyway.