Okay, so this isn’t actually about the hookup itself. Sorry about the clickbait, but I promise nothing too terribly interesting happened anyway. It’s about what happened after– not immediately after the act, but the part where I reject them and find a nice neutral way to say “yeah the sex was fine, I’m not super interested in continuing tho” and move on with my life. I would have titled this the worst breakup but it wasn’t really a breakup, it was just uncomfortable.

Anyway, last November I hooked up with a person, we had a short lived friends with benefits arrangement (what a stupid term, friend with benefits… but I digress) and then I accidentally-on-purpose ghosted them because they got clingy and I was not interested in a relationship with them. (I usually communicate with people clearly instead of ghosting, we ARE trying to heal after all. This situation was unique, I said I needed time/space and then I honestly forgot that something needed to be said. Oops.) Well, by the time I actually talked to them again, they asked if I was ready to date yet and I finally just said I wasn’t interested, at which point they found it appropriate to say “fucked around and caught feelings…p*ssy too bomb! haha” and a few more vague references to the hooking up throughout the conversation WHILE I was actively rejecting them (i cannot make this up, if i still had the screenshots i’d post them here.) I don’t remember the specifics of the conversation but that one line is BURNED into my brain because. Wow. I cannot believe it needs to be said but don’t talk about my body while I’m rejecting you? 

The wildest thing is that that was actually the second time that happened. While recapping the previous story to a friend, I remembered that a similar thing had happened a couple years ago as well. A guy I hooked up with a few summers ago ALSO managed to work comments about my body and the sexual experience into the conversation while I actively rejected him and said I don’t want to continue with him. Again. What gives you the right to talk about my body while I’m telling you I no longer want you to interact with me in a physical sense (or at all).

Really I don’t know what to make of these experiences, but after remembering that it somehow happened twice I wanted to use this space to try and process that. Something something people feeling entitled to my body something something.

In the end it didnt matter how nice of a date they were or how good (or in one case, how crushingly mediocre) the sex was, or that there was no “reason” for breaking things off other than that continuing was simply not what I wanted at the time, that they had done nothing wrong; when it came down to it, both of them made me feel uncomfortable and exposed and overall icky when I rejected them. Simply by acting like they still had the right to talk about or even think about my body at that point. Ultimately I’m not really going anywhere with this, I mostly just wanted to share this in a supportive environment and feel heard.

I can’t describe how I feel about those experiences, because they definitely weren’t traumatic, but there is a sort of residual “ick” feeling from knowing that people can continue to perceive and conceptualize and even objectify my body beyond the point when I deem it okay to do so. 

TLDR: Stop perceiving me. Once I leave your bed, please erase all memories of me, it’s the polite thing to do.