TW: ED 

I’ve struggled with anxiety for six years now, since my freshman year of high school. It has significantly impacted all aspects of my life. In the past, I struggled with social anxiety and low self-esteem. This caused me to be very reserved and made it difficult for me to form connections with people. Throughout high school, I was known as the shy girl who never raised her hand in class and spoke very quietly during presentations. I dreaded introducing myself or hanging out with people I wasn’t familiar with. Fortunately, I overcame these struggles when I came to UMBC. I have definitely improved my social skills and gained a lot more confidence in myself.  I became very involved in clubs and frequently attended different events on campus . This helped me develop my social skills and gain experience making connections with others. Now, I can make new friends with no difficulty and show my authentic personality without any fear of being judged. 

From an academic aspect, I still let my anxiety get the best of me. I tend to overthink and ruin my own mood by imagining the worst possible scenarios. Even if I prepare for an exam and study thoroughly, I convince myself that I don’t have the knowledge or skills to perform well. Before an important exam, I often experience racing thoughts, difficulty with breathing, and feeling very uneasy/tense. Sometimes, these feelings intensify so much to the point where I feel in danger. It is hard to describe these feelings, but I feel an overwhelming sense of panic and pain in my chest. This may correlate to my self-doubt and lack of confidence, which leads me to have negative thoughts about myself and my academic potential. If I perform well on an assignment or test, I hardly acknowledge it or feel proud of myself. On the other hand, if I perform poorly, I will fixate on that one grade and allow it to destroy my confidence. I think it’s important to put things into perspective and remind myself that school is just one aspect of my life, not my entire life. I shouldn’t let a bad grade define my self-worth or cause me to doubt my capabilities. It is completely fine to make mistakes because in the end, everything will be okay and I will end up exactly where I am meant to be. 

My anxiety has also impacted my physical health and diet. When a specific event occurs in my life (conflict with a close friend, relationship issues), I experience an immense amount of anxiety and let my thoughts be consumed with the situation. I am unable to eat complete meals due to the pain in my stomach, tension in my throat, and nausea. My body craves food, yet I am unable to eat anything because if I do, I won’t be able to hold it down. The thought of swallowing food literally makes me sick. It is such a scary feeling to see yourself become increasingly skinny, yet not being able to do anything about it because you are still too anxious/sad to eat. These symptoms will usually last for around a week, depending on how long the situation takes to be resolved. 

There are many different ways in which an anxiety disorder can be managed. This includes cognitive therapy, corrective breathing techniques, mindfulness, and building self-esteem. Personally, the most effective way in which I cope with anxiety is by expressing my emotions to someone I trust. My overthinking and low self-esteem are ultimately the root causes of my anxiety, so speaking to a close friend or family member definitely helps me sort through my emotions and feel less overwhelmed. In addition, I recently started meeting with a therapist who specializes in anxiety and coping skills. At times, my anxiety makes me feel as though I have no control over anything. But with the right resources and people, I hope to overcome this journey and live a happier, healthier life.