The other day, I opened Instagram to a post by one of my grade school classmates, with whom I grew up for most of my life. They were discussing that they identify as “non-binary” and wrote a short piece describing their struggles growing up with these confusing feelings. I was happy that they were able to not only recognize how they were feeling, but also announce it to their mutuals on social media. The thing is, this story yet again reminded me that you truly never know how someone is experiencing life on a daily.
This experience in particular reminds me of Susan Stryker’s Frankenstein essay, as she explores the embodied experience of living in a gendered world that doesn’t quite fit one’s perceptions and feelings of their own identity. I can only imagine how frustrating these feelings must be, especially for a child.
I recall being in school with this person from elementary school all the way through high school. We were in the same classes, had the same friends, and even went on the same field trips together. I can still recall the time that we went on a canoeing field trip to observe the SAV (Submerged Aquatic Vegetation) in our local Chesapeake Bay, when we flipped our canoe and dumped ourselves right into the water. I always joked that we got to see the SAV “up close.”
I’ve made some good memories with this person, but until now, I hadn’t seen anything from them since high school graduation; I’d actually forgotten that I followed them on Instagram. Despite the joy that I felt knowing my old classmate had rediscovered themselves in a new way, I couldn’t help but think about all the times we spent together, while they were struggling with an internal identity crisis, and I had no idea. I absolutely loved my childhood. I’m so blessed to miss every part of growing up as a girl in the way that I did. My classmates’ post was yet another reminder of the sad truth that, ultimately, most people weren’t as blessed to have had the picture-perfect childhood that I did. I truly wish them the best with the rest of their identity journey and hope that they’ve gained some clarity and peace within themselves.
Unruly Bodies 
This was such an interesting post, it really made me think about how there are some children that genuinely have to battle with making themselves feel comfortable vs making other people feel comfortable at their own expense which is really sad and so unhealthy for everyone but especially for little children. They should not grow up in a society that makes them battle identity crises by themself. While this post was just about a singular person there are so many people around the world that faced (and are currently facing) the same struggles as your friend and I really appreciated this post highlighting that.
I had similar experiences- when I came out to my friends in high school, I thought they would judge, and worried that they would now feel uncomfortable being around me due to the possibility of me having a crush on them. Despite their progressive social and political beliefs, I still worried. After high school, the 2 friends I feared would feel uncomfortable came out as queer themselves! I was extremely happy for them and, like you said, now I know that I never really can know what someone is feeling or going through on the inside just based on what they show externally.
Thank you for reminding me of this!
I really liked how you connected your classmate’s story to Stryker’s idea of living in a body or identity that doesn’t quite fit the world’s expectations. It’s interesting how your writing shows empathy but also awareness of privilege in having a childhood where you felt comfortable in your identity. I think that contrast between your peace and their struggle shows exactly what Stryker meant about embodiment being shaped by the world around us.