The other day, I opened Instagram to a post by one of my grade school classmates, with whom I grew up for most of my life. They were discussing that they identify as “non-binary” and wrote a short piece describing their struggles growing up with these confusing feelings. I was happy that they were able to not only recognize how they were feeling, but also announce it to their mutuals on social media. The thing is, this story yet again reminded me that you truly never know how someone is experiencing life on a daily.

This experience in particular reminds me of Susan Stryker’s Frankenstein essay, as she explores the embodied experience of living in a gendered world that doesn’t quite fit one’s perceptions and feelings of their own identity. I can only imagine how frustrating these feelings must be, especially for a child.

I recall being in school with this person from elementary school all the way through high school. We were in the same classes, had the same friends, and even went on the same field trips together. I can still recall the time that we went on a canoeing field trip to observe the SAV (Submerged Aquatic Vegetation) in our local Chesapeake Bay, when we flipped our canoe and dumped ourselves right into the water. I always joked that we got to see the SAV “up close.”

I’ve made some good memories with this person, but until now, I hadn’t seen anything from them since high school graduation; I’d actually forgotten that I followed them on Instagram. Despite the joy that I felt knowing my old classmate had rediscovered themselves in a new way, I couldn’t help but think about all the times we spent together, while they were struggling with an internal identity crisis, and I had no idea. I absolutely loved my childhood. I’m so blessed to miss every part of growing up as a girl in the way that I did. My classmates’ post was yet another reminder of the sad truth that, ultimately, most people weren’t as blessed to have had the picture-perfect childhood that I did. I truly wish them the best with the rest of their identity journey and hope that they’ve gained some clarity and peace within themselves.