Content warnings: I use humor as my method of expression in this piece and I actively make fun of my body image.

Trigger Warnings: sexual assault/rape, body hatred, gender dysphoria, body dysmorphia, abuse

Have you ever felt complete and utter shame in your body but for the life of you, you couldn’t put your finger on what was causing it? Do you have too many conflicting thoughts telling you different ways about why you should hate your body? Well maybe you’re experiencing what I am! I like to call it the Wheel of Misfortune™! A totally fun yet confusing game of dysphoria! 

Finishing the Spring 2020 semester was honestly one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do because of the stress™ of quarantine. So, when I found out I was getting less than a 0% chance to live in a campus apartment with my best friends, I knew I needed to move out of my childhood home. It took me a week to convince my parents I wasn’t joking about moving out. It took me another week to explain how staying at home would break me down to the shell of a human. Eventually I made my point. 

My parents’ term (yes, term) of agreement for moving out: Get a job. And a job I got!

A few days into job hunting, I was interviewed and hired at Sonic Drive-In. A week into the job, I was getting used to working with repetitive motion, heavy lifting, and spending uncomfortable lengths of time on weak ankles. We don’t have restaurant mats for support, because at Sonic, we die like men.