Author: graveyardg00ds

by

“You’re very normal despite the meds you’re taking!”: Coping With Appearing “Normal”

CW for a suicide mention

I work at a pharmacy. This means I’m trusted with people’s health information. We have special trash specifically for regular trash, blue HIPPA trash (paper with HIPPA info on it), and green HIPPA trash (plastic with HIPPA info on it). The HIPPA trash is shredded and we’re VERY serious about making sure the trash is separate because our store can be fined a lot of money if we mix that up. The HIPPA trash goes in a locked trash can. That being said, we’re very big on protecting people’s privacy. However, we get a peek into this privacy with every phone call asking “Can you refill my gabapentin?”, which means that they have a form of nerve pain versus “Can you refill my Suboxone?”, which means they are being treated for drug addiction. It’s sometimes scary having all this information especially when we end up memorizing certain patients because they come in bi-weekly or monthly for their medications. Which leads to me, I take five different medications: an antidepressant, a mood stabilizer, an anti-seizure medication to treat a side effect from my mood stabilizer, birth control, and most recently, an ADHD medication. I get them all filled at the pharmacy I work at which means my coworkers know which medications I am on. I’m very open about what I take, I have no shame of being on medication, in fact, I love taking medication because I, unfortunately, know who I am/who I was before medication. However, it’s a very different feeling when you are allowing yourself to be open about your medication versus when someone is in charge of you, intimately knows you, and intimately knows what you take, just like my pharmacist. 

Continue reading →
by

Is This Mascara Really “Better Than Sex”? Some Thoughts on Makeup

This is (another) photo of Bobby Hill where, instead of saying “That’s my purse, I don’t know you!”, I edited it so he’s saying “That’s my face, I don’t know you!” because I am worried about the alienation people could/can feel when they see their face without makeup as unrecognizable.

I am prefacing this post by saying I barely wear makeup (is slapping glitter on your face “real makeup”?, the next presidential debate topic), I don’t know how to do makeup, but I really think we underestimate the power and psychological issues/potential trauma makeup can create. Granted, makeup can be and is gorgeous/fun because you can accent your favorite features or you can coordinate it with a cool look (i.e. special effects makeup or just a really bold neon green eyeliner), but at what point is it too much? Is it at the point where you have put on a full face for a beach trip? Is it when you have to put on a full face for a gym session? Is it when you’re incapable of seeing yourself/allowing yourself to be seen without makeup, so much so that it dictates how, when, and if you’re even going to be seen in public that day? Or when seeing your bare face strikes actual fear and depression into you? I do not think the idea of seeing your bare face exposed or exposing your bare face to the world, rendering you depressed, disturbed, or even disgusted is given enough space in talking about dismantling body dysmorphia. The alienation experienced at the disconnect of seeing your bare face and not registering it as your own because it has no makeup on it sounds like a trauma response to me. The gym comment is from a conversation I had with a friend. She legitimately could not go to the gym with me (or outside for that matter) without applying at least five different products and I remember pointing out, “dude you’re gonna sweat that off 5 minutes into rowing” and she told me she “wouldn’t allow” herself to go outside without it.

Continue reading →
by

“Thank God We’re All Wearing Masks”: State Surveillance and Protests

Meme I created to express how I feel when ANYONE takes my photo without me knowing. [it’s an image of Bobby Hill from King of the Hill saying “That’s my face, I don’t know you”]

We all sign privacy agreements. We all speed scroll through terms and conditions to download iOS 14. We all know the government stores our data, including our physical data. There are many examples of it, especially facial recognition. Recently, that government camera has been pointed at activists/activism, especially when it comes to protesting or “rioting” against police brutality. For example, during the recent Minneapolis protests against the murder of George Floyd, VICE reported that surveillance drones were flying over the city, collecting data to be used for “situational awareness”. There was a similar occurrences in Baltimore during the Freddie Gray protests. The government and its agents have made quick use of the physical data they gather, using everything from our location to our social media to now literal captures of our faces and bodies.

Continue reading →