Author: SarayB613

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The Gym is an Award Show

When the fall semester started, I was determined to go to the gym consistently and start running around my neighborhood. I started doing all this research (Tiktok rabbit holes) on what type of exercising I should do to have my body look a certain way based on my height, weight, and schedule. I looked into Pilates classes, good running shoes, and certain meals to eat.

Read More: The Gym is an Award Show

Day 1 came in my 3 split weekly workout schedule, and I was ready. I had a list of exercises to do and a meal plan. However, that morning I started to have a bunch of anxiety. My outfit didn’t look like the cute gym clothes on social media, I had on an old family reunion T-shirt and too small leggings. I had this fear that what if I forgot how to do the exercises properly and someone looks at me and thought I was stupid or could tell that I was new to this. All these thoughts started rushing through my mind to the point where I ended up doing an at- home YouTube workout instead.

Looking back, I realize my anxiety was deeper than just exercising. It was more about how I thought other people would perceive not only my body but how I decided to move it. Social media has created an image of what someone who goes to the gym is supposed to look like, from the clothes they wear to their confidence level with using the equipment. I started comparing myself to that image before I even arrived at the gym.

This experience showed me how culture and societies expectations can shape how people view us and how we view our own bodies. My fear of being judged changed how I experienced my body and my comfortability level of exercising. The gym did not feel like a place to “better myself,” it felt like an award show where everyone was watching me. Fast forward to today, I still do have the fear and overthinking of going to the gym. But rather than not go at all I look on the app to see how busy it is before going. I’m not sure if that’s progress but at least I made it to being in the building.

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My Body, Everyone’s Opinion

In “Throwing Like a Girl,” Iris Marion Young defines femininity as “a set of structures and conditions which delimit the typical situation of being a woman in particular society as well as the typcial way in which this situation is lived by the women themselves.”

Read more: My Body, Everyone’s Opinion

I really began to think about how femininity is shaped by structures and conditions, but also how women in various cultures may experience and utilize these conditions. I also began to think about my experience as a skinny black girl and how my body is viewed and discussed based on the audiences age. I was stuck in between two expectations. My younger peers would make comments about growing my glutes to achieve the “slim thick” figure. At the same time, older women will tell me to enjoy my skinniness (as if there was a timer on my body) because the day was coming when I’d be in their position; Reminiscing of the slimness they once had. Both comments are different, but they both make me think about how my body is being measured against expectation of how a woman’s body should look like. I question the root of where did the expectations come from and at what point did they change? The ideas of what a black woman is supposed to look like has influenced how I see my own body. To the point where I start to ask myself, “well which side of the spectrum should I strive to be on?”

Young’s definition helped me see that these experiences are not just a desire to look a certain way. It is a larger social condition that is shaped by what other think black women’s bodies should look like. The pressure to be “thick,” gain weight, and enjoy my body before it changes all shows how femininity can shape the way women understand and experience their own bodies.

image used from: https://www.123rf.com/photo_88636296_set-of-female-body-shape-types-five-types-african-american-women-vector-cartoon-illustration.html