The other day we discussed death, and the appropriate ways in which we dispose of the dead… the human dead that is. Which got me thinking to how differently and similarly we treat our pets who die. Right before I came back to school for this semester, I’m talking the Friday before I moved in on a Monday, the stray my neighbors and I took care of passed away. He was sick; he had a really bad thyroid condition, but that’s not how he died. Continue reading
illness
Breathe In, Breathe Out
When I was growing up, my relationship to my asthma entirely shaped my relationship to my body. My body was something that had to be constantly monitored for any sign of symptoms. It had to be regulated and controlled. My body wasn’t a part of me, it was a setting–it was a dangerous situation that I had been placed in for unknown reasons; a house in the path of a hurricane. Continue reading
My Headaches.
I get really bad headaches. Constant, enduring, painful headaches. Continue reading
Trust your body
About a month ago I went to visit my Doctor for the first time in about 5 years. I found after a certain age my primary physician was replaced by my gynecologist.
In general I think I’m healthy other than once a year getting the common cold or flu. Since the beginning of this semester I hadn’t been feeling my normal self. I had been suffering from stomachaches constantly, feeling exhausted even after a full night rest and suffering from headaches daily.
Re: “Hypochondriasis”
It’s odd because thinking I have hypochondriasis is part of the problem, right? I assume that’s more serious (and medicalization erects another border), that’s a defined condition, that’s a condition. Something for which I must qualify.
I Got My Dad In a Box
*This post contains mentions of, and some descriptions of, death and sick-related stuff*
Death is unfortunately not a new phenomenon in my life. I’ve seen a lot of my family members get sick, a lot of friends die suddenly. I’ve spent a lot of time sitting in intensive care waiting rooms, getting to know the staff, the smell, learning to walk around like I know where I’m going so no one will bother me. I’ve spent way more time than I should have perfecting my small talk in funeral homes, not knowing how long to kneel at the open casket, hugging distant relatives in stiff clothes they only wear to these functions. I’ve sunk into a lot of grave dirt in some really uncomfortable shoes. My advice is to have a sense of humor about it. Continue reading
No, She’s Not Just Tired.
It’s extremely difficult to write about my relationship with my mother’s illness because I have lived with it for so long that it is simply a natural part of life. Many of my memories of growing up revolve around playing games with my siblings seeing who could be the quietest while my mom rested. At the time I didn’t really think about it – it seemed perfectly natural that she needed to spend long hours in the day lying down in her room with the lights off – and we were just happy to play together. Only looking back do I realize the reason my mom needed to spend so much time resting; she has a relatively unknown disorder called Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (or CFS).
Sickness and Body Borders
There was a week, once, where I slept near a big glowing cross, and the light shone sideways through thick panes patterned with a wiry crosshatch. The sheets smelled like sickness and clean, and at night you could see the Domino Sugar sign–big for a billion miles away.
Ugh, I’m sick: Flu, strep, flep?
Since we’re talking about unruly bodies, I’m going to take some time to talk about how unruly the bodies in this house have been this week. Let’s start with mine.
Monday: I’m fine. It’s like every other day. By the time I’m ready for bed, my throat is a little sore. I figure it is probably nothing, worst case scenario the start of a cold. Who hasn’t been there? I am mistaken. Sleep eludes me that night (and many that follow). I must have a high fever because I have vivid, lifelike dreams about real life things (I am talking to Kelly about my bad resume in one… in another I receive a package I’ve been waiting on but I misplace it… and in another I forget to write a paper… ok, so these are nightmares). These dreams are clear fever indicators for me because my body always reacts to high fevers with dreams so real that I never know when I’m awake or sleeping. I keep getting out of bed, wandering the house looking for that package, wondering when I’ll fix my resume and trying to remember which paper I’ve forgotten. If it sounds fun, it isn’t. If it sounds more like hallucinations, it probably is. I “wake up” feeling more exhausted than when I laid down. My joints ache, from my knees and elbows to each individual knuckle. My head throbs. My throat feels raw and tingly. I feel like I can’t get myself out of bed. There is just an overwhelming sense of ickiness that I still can’t explain that makes me feel both like I should stay in bed, and like I should head to the doctors… Continue reading
Unruly Bodies 