movement

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Move Me, Move You

Photo by Luis Gallegos Alvarez on Pexels.com

The universe moves me so I can move others. 

Growing up, my parents put me in every sport imaginable. If my school provided it, I did it. Baseball, basketball, soccer, you name it. And I HATED IT. Running back and forth on the field/court, winning, losing—it all sucked. But there was one sport (yes, it’s a sport. Fight me.) that I actually looked forward to every week, and that was dance. I’ve been dancing since 2 years old. My mom put me in ballet just like every other little girl, and when I tell you I absolutely LIT UP on stage. There are videos of me as a toddler convincing my classmates with stage fright to get on stage and perform. After ballet, I did Irish dance for 7 years. Not my favorite (it was too stiff and strict for me) but I stuck with it so I could take what I learned from class and teach it to my friends at school. At the same time, I did hip hop for 5 years, and that’s where I really started to come to life. I had the most attitude of any 3rd grader on that stage. It inspired me to start choreographing my own dances for me and a couple of my dancer friends to perform and film as part of our own little variety show. Then came tap and jazz class, then musical theater. My love of dance continued through middle school and high school, where I began choreographing for my schools’ musicals. Even in college, I still go back to my middle school to teach kids the dances for their school productions. Every car ride is spent looking out the window, choreographing new dances in my mind. It is a core part of my being. And every step I have taken in my dance journey came with bringing others the joy of dance. It has taken me years to recognize that I was meant to help others move. I live to light up on stage and allow others to do the same. Watching their faces when they finally get a step right that they have been struggling with. Seeing them get excited when they come up with their own choreography and run up to me to show off their new dance. Hearing them telling their parents that their favorite part of rehearsal was dance class. It all makes me feel like I have a place in the world. As Kimerer Lamothe said, “Every movement a human makes animate potentials that them become who that human is—one who made that movement. One who can make that movement again” (Lamothe 127). I was given movement from my teachers from my childhood, and I became the teacher for my friends and students, and they will become teachers for their circle, and on and on. Dance is who I am. It always will be, even if I don’t dance every day anymore. I will never separate that part of me. And that is what I believe I was put on this planet to do. Move others.

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Just us

Ok im pretty self confident. But whenever someone glances at my body my mind gets to racing. I just came back from the mall and of course people looked at me. Girls and guys but especially when guys look at me Im thinking to myself are they going “oh she got a nice body for a slim black girl” ( cuz black women are expected to be thick) are they looking at my arms and going they’re so tiny. Are they picturing me as athletic and active. Are they saying my strides are so graceful .Or just a lazy bum that happens to be slim. I wish I could look at myself and the way it moves from outside my body. What would I think about my bodies look and movement if I was an outsider looking in. Like my conscious floats out and I can see. It’s kinda hard to just observe the body when you’re out in public. I can’t just stand in the middle and watch. But honestly not just me, I wish I could just see in a spiritual way the way we mammals dance through life.

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The Many Facets of Dance

Dancing is both an art form and a sport. It is one of the few places where the mind body connection is joined and exhibited in a such a way that it can be seen as tangible. There is beauty in watching a piece, its emotions and story, be fully embraced in this more visual way. There is also beauty in being able to commit to the act of dancing, training the body in a way where one can escape the mind and rely solely on the body to perform as it has been practiced. The experience of dancing can be further nuanced depending on the circumstances in which the action is taking place. In the case of dancing competitively, there is the need to have the physical body look and move a particular way and if the situation calls for it a reliance on the team and the desire to feel like a full accepted member for which the utmost requirement, in my experience, has often been felt to be the amount of skill one possesses.  

As someone who has been training in dance since the 1st grade, and allegedly dancing well before then, my experience with the art has been multifaceted. When my skill-level increased to the point of notice to others (around my last year of middle school) I was offered positions to teach a few classes weekly for my dance school. It was during this time that I finally felt the most included by my peers and their parents. Rather than commenting on the shortcomings of any rehearsal, parents would instead exchange niceties. I was able to exchange practice questions and answers with my peers as they began approaching me in a way they had not before. As the chubby, short girl, I was finally able to prove that I belonged in a space that revolved around bodies, despite mine not being of an “acceptable type”. Such dynamics can, in many cases including my own, a dual judgement first from the other players/teammates and their respective communities as well as judgement from the internal self about the internal self which can have long lasting impacts on self-esteem and the mental self.  

The point of team sports like this can and should be to have fun, create community and experience movement in a healthy way. However, in spaces where the emphasis is placed first most on the body and the specific ways in which it moves, it can be difficult for bodies that do not conform to social expectations to achieve the same community experience.