I have chronic migraines. I got diagnosed when I was probably around 13 or 14, but I’ve never felt like I could call myself disabled or claim identity with the chronic illness/pain communities. It’s not that I feel put off by those labels– I’ve done plenty of introspection on that, to make sure that the reason I didn’t feel comfortable with those labels wasn’t because of some subconscious bias. Rather, I feel like my migraines just aren’t bad enough, don’t affect my life severely enough to “count.” I feel like claiming those labels would be exaggerating, or speaking over someone who “fits” better than I do. 

Which is stupid, by the way. I essentially live my daily life with a near-constant headache clocking in between 1-4 on the pain scale, with occasional spikes to higher levels. When it escalates to a migraine, I get nauseous and can’t eat or drink for a day or more, until it goes away. Before a migraine hits, I often get visual aura, which looks like TV static taking up most of my vision. During a migraine, I become extremely sensitive to sounds and smells, and I get so photosensitive that, especially combined with the visual disturbances, I can become effectively blind for several hours. Depending on weather patterns, stress, and other situational factors, I average between 3-10 true migraine episodes per month, with other severe headaches in between for spice. This has impacted my academics, my work life, my social life, my mental and physical health and development, etc. Everything. Like, what part of that experience doesn’t sound disabling??? And yet, I struggle to feel justified in identifying as such.

These are judgements that I only apply to myself– I know that I “fit,” and I know that if I were to talk to someone else with my exact same migraine experience, I would have no hangups about them calling themselves disabled/chronically ill. So why can’t I allow myself the same?

On a somewhat related note, I’m thinking now about how my parents react to my migraines. They are understanding to a point, but when my migraines inconvenience them they act like I’m personally victimizing them on purpose. Like… okay I know you wanted to get yard work done today but I promise my incapacitating pain is far more inconvenient and frustrating to me than it ever could be to you. This might be part of why I struggle so much to let myself believe that my migraines are “bad enough” to call myself chronically ill. 

But the other day, I saw someone on a disability forum talking about chronic migraines as a disability. It felt so validating– like I could finally let myself consider how bad my experience is, and how deeply it affects my life. I’m still working through all these thoughts, but seeing that post definitely helped me rethink the barriers I’ve set up for myself, and how that affects how I view things.

I have chronic migraines. I got diagnosed when I was probably around 13 or 14, but I’ve never felt like I could call myself disabled or claim identity with the chronic illness/pain communities. It’s not that I feel put off by those labels– I’ve done plenty of introspection on that, to make sure that the reason I didn’t feel comfortable with those labels wasn’t because of some subconscious bias. Rather, I feel like my migraines just aren’t bad enough, don’t affect my life severely enough to “count.” I feel like claiming those labels would be exaggerating, or speaking over someone who “fits” better than I do. 

Which is stupid, by the way. I essentially live my daily life with a near-constant headache clocking in between 1-4 on the pain scale, with occasional spikes to higher levels. When it escalates to a migraine, I get nauseous and can’t eat or drink for a day or more, until it goes away. Before a migraine hits, I often get visual aura, which looks like TV static taking up most of my vision. During a migraine, I become extremely sensitive to sounds and smells, and I get so photosensitive that, especially combined with the visual disturbances, I can become effectively blind for several hours. Depending on weather patterns, stress, and other situational factors, I average between 3-10 true migraine episodes per month, with other severe headaches in between for spice. This has impacted my academics, my work life, my social life, my mental and physical health and development, etc. Everything. Like, what part of that experience doesn’t sound disabling??? And yet, I struggle to feel justified in identifying as such.

These are judgements that I only apply to myself– I know that I “fit,” and I know that if I were to talk to someone else with my exact same migraine experience, I would have no hangups about them calling themselves disabled/chronically ill. So why can’t I allow myself the same?

On a somewhat related note, I’m thinking now about how my parents react to my migraines. They are understanding to a point, but when my migraines inconvenience them they act like I’m personally victimizing them on purpose. Like… okay I know you wanted to get yard work done today but I promise my incapacitating pain is far more inconvenient and frustrating to me than it ever could be to you. This might be part of why I struggle so much to let myself believe that my migraines are “bad enough” to call myself chronically ill. 

But the other day, I saw someone on a disability forum talking about chronic migraines as a disability. It felt so validating– like I could finally let myself consider how bad my experience is, and how deeply it affects my life. I’m still working through all these thoughts, but seeing that post definitely helped me rethink the barriers I’ve set up for myself, and how that affects how I view things.