Every time, I can feel the tears fighting their way up to my eyes. I can taste the nauseating anger in my mouth. I can feel my lungs getting tired of the exhausted sigh that is soon to come. All my body wants to do is scream or fight or sob or something. But instead, I just smile – not a real smile, but the type of “white person” smile you give someone on the street. And I try to move on with my day…but sometimes I can’t.
All my life, I’ve been fighting through mental illnesses since far before I was aware of it. The first battle was learning how to function with bipolar disorder and depression. Then I jumped right to dealing with my eating disorder. Trichotillomania was next. When I finally had everything sorted out this summer, I felt myself sighing in relief. It was hard, but I could live now. Sure, it’s still extremely difficult, but at least I have a little bit more of a handle on life than I ever had.
And then anxiety showed up.
All my life, I’ve been fighting through mental illnesses since far before I was aware of it. The first battle was learning how to function with bipolar disorder and depression. Then I jumped right to dealing with my eating disorder. Trichotillomania was next. When I finally had everything sorted out this summer, I felt myself sighing in relief. It was hard, but I could live now. Sure, it’s still extremely difficult, but at least I have a little bit more of a handle on life than I ever had.
And then anxiety showed up.
Discussion of eating disorders, self harm, and body image
Image Source: https://medium.com/@queerquill/what-its-like-living-with-gender-dysphoria-as-a-non-binary-person-81054795a2bd
As a non-binary person, I am locked in a constant and overwhelming struggle of feeling comfortable in my own body. Embodiment theories tell us that our physical body impacts our emotional well-being, and I feel the effects of this phenomenon daily. One tangible representation of this struggle is my experience with binding.
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Unruly Bodies 