Biases

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“Let me guess, you have a headache again?”

(This post contains mentions of over the counter and prescription drug use)

I mentioned in an earlier post that I get headaches, this is a bit of an understatement. I have been officially diagnosed with Migraine. However, I have a hard time calling my smaller episodes migraines, because to me a migraine is being totally incapacitated, unable to move, balance or lift your head with your sinuses closed off and your eyes unwilling to focus. There also may or may not be puke. My headaches are still pretty bad, but I can still talk and walk and drive to school. I can’t make them go away. They’re at least 12 hours long reguardless, but if you have something in front of your face that says it’s going to stop your pain, you’re going to try it anyway, especially, when you have a paper to write. Despite this I can usually keep a straight face throughout the day.

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Peace?

(Possible trigger warning for rape subject/sexual assault)

peace corps1  Food-PSA-Archive

Over the past few years I’ve been toying with the idea of joining the Peace Corps.  So far I’ve received mixed reviews on whether or not it’s the right thing to do.  Some say it’s a government funded semester abroad-a vacation for privileged white kids to fulfill whatever fascination or desire they have to dig wells and live in poverty for 27 months. Continue reading →

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The suffering body

My first year of college I joined the women’s rugby team. I got many comments,especially from my family members, asking me why I would do something like that to my body. Rugby is a tough sport, the only protective gear you’re allowed to use is a mouth guard. It leaves you in pain, covered in cuts and bruises for a week or more after every game. So i’m not surprised when people look at me like I’m crazy after I tell them I play. I don’t play because I like pain or because I have a death wish. I play simply because I enjoy it. Although the aftermath inevitably leaves me sprawled out in bed covered in ice bags, the feeling I get when I’m on the field is worth it. 

I believe the same goes for situations where people go through painful body modification rituals, drink alcohol, or do any other thing that they know hurts their body. They like the way it makes them feel, they enjoy it.

So should we feel bad for doing the things we like doing even though it hurts us? 

 

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QUEERIES: My Love for Eli Clare’s Exile and Pride and Why You Should Go Ahead and Read It, Okay?

I haven’t connected to any other class’s readings as I have connected with Eli Clare’s Exile & Pride. I’m trying to figure out why, and I still don’t rightly know, but I needed to share.

It seems obvious to say, “Well, I like the subject matter,” but really. I do. And it is all very different but so intrinsically connected, that I feel bad that I ever doubted the meshing of these worlds into one book. The environment, queerness, and disability (to narrow it down to a main triad) are all sides of the same coin. The environment–the one he have created and the one that has always been–often dictates disability. Disability provokes a queer understanding of identity. Being queer in different environments–rural and urban–is like being a polar bear or a house cat,  a bird or a lost lizard in a sewer. The criticism that Clare invokes when talking about these topics is also critical of race and ethnicity and of privilege and gender. Who was the first to claim land as an inexhaustible resource? Who dictates the gender and sexual norms? Who creates the urban space that perpetuates disability? Clare touches on all of these linked together identities and sites, and it feels so right. I learned so much from Clare’s writing, but I also picked up his sense of criticism; that calm, assertive, compassionate voice that questions why and kicks out with fervor. Clare’s criticism is beatifically formed and so god damn smart, but it’s not the only thing that keeps me in the book.

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Navigating Boundaries

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There really isn’t any other way to say it, so I’m just going to say it. I like physical contact…a lot.

I don’t even mean sexual contact. I mean the most basic skin to skin, body to body contact there is. A hug, a handshake, a high five.

I like it when my arms brush against strangers on the street. I love it when my relatives hug me or when a friend comforts me with back rub. I like long embraces and holding hands. I love getting my hair cut at a salon because my hairdresser rubs my scalp with his fingertips. I save up money every semester for a massage at a spa. I feel happy when my yoga teacher touches me to adjust my pose during a class. One of my favorite people to greet is a friend of mine who always gives me a back cracking hug, long and strong as if he hasn’t seen me in years. I love cats and dogs because they’re often affectionate; they want me to pet them, hold them, scratch them behind their ears.

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The Great Wall of Penis

Last year Kelly Martin Broderick wrote a blog post about The Great Wall of Vagina. As an artist myself I was able to appreciate the wall as art. I cannot imagine the time and effort the artist put into every cast. The fact that so many women took time to participate is amazing!

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I decided to do a bit of research and came across PENIS. Big ones, short ones, fat ones, long one and the list goes on. Joseph Tailor’s project entitled ‘Art Work “100” ‘ is a casting project of many penis. This made me extremely uncomfortable. I didn’t understand why. I don’t mind looking at my boyfriend’s penis. His is pretty cool. I also didn’t mind looking at the wall of vaginas.

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(Yes that is a Golden Penis. Not to be confused with the Golden Snitch)

Thinking hard -no pun intended- about my feelings I came to the conclusion that it was because of the form of the penis. Let me explain:

The vaginas on the great wall are all carefully placed and appear to be that of relief sculptures. They are delicate and unique. This is truly how a vagina looks.

While each penis is also unique I felt almost as if they were looking at me. I realize it was easiest to capture the mold of a penis while it was hard but this is not realistic. A man’s penis can only achieve maximum size when it is erect. Does that mean you’re “less of a man” when it’s not?

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Should I go on a run today?

I haven’t been feeling great about my body lately.  It’s because I’ve been spending so much time at my desk or hunched over a book (thanks, finals).  But it’s also because I haven’t been able to wear my favorite pair of jeans since I got back from my time abroad (where I ate everything I wanted because cultural experience!).  I’m telling myself not to let a pair of pants make me feel this way about my body, but I’m feeling it. Continue reading →