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A Freak of (Un)Nature: On “Unnatural” and “Natural” Bodies

There is nothing I dread more than the confused, shocked, horrified look on people’s faces after I open my mouth and say something incomprehensible to their untrained ears. I feel like I am exposed for the freak of nature that I am. Despite my years and years of preparation in the form of weekly speech therapy sessions and high-tech cochlear implant, I still clumsily navigate the hearing world, where sound reigns supreme, constantly tripping over tasks that seem mundane to most people.

My body, and more specifically, my ears and voice, are seen as something out of the ordinary and freakish that must be covered up as efficiently as possible or put somewhere else where there are “people like me”.

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We don’t talk about death

Whenever I feel fear or uneasiness I am no longer able to engage in discussions. I shut down.

Today in class when were discussing Trumpet, specifically the question regarding the smell of death in the room shortly after Joss’s death, I felt myself unable to pay attention. I tried to take notes to keep myself engaged or read along with the passages being read but my mind was scattered and I did not feel present.

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“Oh, but you don’t look gay”

When I tell people that I identify as a lesbian I find that I often have people make comments to me like “oh, but you don’t look gay” or “yeah, I could tell by the way you dress and carry yourself.” I have always found it very strange how people can have such different opinions and views of someone simply from the way they dress and look. It has always bothered me when people would say to me that “I don’t look gay.” What is gay supposed to look like? How am I supposed to respond to that? In this class we have discussed a lot about how our bodies are mediums and are really important for expressing ourselves to the world around us. Not everything that I do is to express that I am gay. I dress the way I do because it is comfortable and because it is what I like, not to make sure that my sexual orientation is known. Some days I wear dresses, and other days I wear jeans and boots which some would say make me look more “masculine” but I dress and carry myself the way I do because it is what is comfortable for me. Which is really important for me since it has only been recently that I have felt comfortable with my body and my style. Most people wouldn’t respond to someone who says that they are straight with “oh, you don’t look straight” so why is it believed to be okay to say it to someone who is not. Especially when people follow the statement with, “it’s a compliment that you don’t.” How a statement like that is supposed to be a complement is beyond me. I am just living my life in the most comfortable way that I can and know how to at this point.

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Split Second

Change happens very slowly. You can feel it weighing down on you overtime.

It squeezes you until you can’t take deep breaths anymore. It’s a white entity that gets heavier and heavier until you feel suffocated and start seeing flashing lights. It’s a gloomy creature that rests on your neck and crushes your vocal chords, until your voice crackles and then disappears.

When you least expect it, your eyes lose their shimmer and are replaced by glass with no reflection.

Change happens slowly. But I saw someone change before me in a matter of seconds. Continue reading →

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Intersex Bodies and Patient Care: Who Chooses ?

I had never heard of the term, “Intersex” or never really knew that people could be born with both male and female genitalia. It wasn’t until when I took a human sexuality course that I got to learn about the intersex bodies. Intersex bodies seems to be this secret that people are too afraid to talk about, due to the gender identity gap that is associated with it. A lot of people who are intersex find it very difficult to speak about their body, because from an early age they were told not to talk about their body. Continue reading →

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Everyone Else Wants a Dick in My Mouth (In which society takes one glance at my body and assume they know my whole life)

A few months ago when eating lunch with friends, one of my friends offhandedly commented that ‘men must love [me]’. I realized that she was referring to my ability to fit a large amount of food in my mouth, and assuming that I would use this ability to give great blowjobs (something I have no interest in doing). This got me thinking.

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Has it gone that far?

My aunt and cousin were trying to lose some weight for a couple of years, but kept seeing no progress. So about 8months ago they both engaged in a surgical process called Gastric Bypass. Gastric bypass is surgery that helps you lose weight by changing how your stomach and small intestine handle the food you eat. After the surgery, your stomach will be smaller. You will feel full with less food. This process is done to help people who are struggling with weight loss. Since after the surgery both of them have lost a substantial amount of weight. 

I just want to say that I have no problem with people who decide to do through these procedures, but while it is good news to see/hear that they are losing weight, I can’t help but ask how far would you go just to look good? What ever happened to personal willpower? Why do we have to rely on all these different surgical processes to lose weight. I can understand if you have a thyroid condition, but if you do not have any condition, then I strongly suggest that you trust on your own self will and power. Losing weight is an experience, it is something that you should be proud to tell others about. No one ever said its going to be easy, but if you have a good diet plan and you make even just a little effort to workout, you will definitely drop some weight. If you have been trying for a while and it is not working, then you need to take a step back, try to do somethings differently and then be patient.