medication

Medication Minefield
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Medication Minefield

Like many people, I have encountered many mixed messages regarding medication for mental disorders. It seems like everyone has an opinion; some are adamantly pro-medication, others are more against it. I have anxiety, and the decision to go on medication for it was not a decision I made lightly. In January of 2020 I started taking Celexa, an SSRI. I was miserable; anxious all the time, my panic attacks were occurring more frequently, and my brain just would not turn off. I had insomnia and felt like I was losing my mind.

The first week of taking Celexa was pretty rough. I had a persistent headache and always felt dehydrated, no matter how much water I drank. As the weeks turned into months, the side effects went away, and I did start to feel better. The noise in my head was quieter, and I was better able to manage the physical symptoms of anxiety.

By October, I had started feeling worse. My panic attacks were coming back, so I felt like I needed to increase my dosage. Big mistake. That was a decision I made in the heat of the moment, while I was upset. I got another migraine, this one lasting for days. The dehydration got worse too, and that’s when I decided I didn’t want to do this anymore. Without telling my doctor (I do not condone this, but I can be impulsive sometimes) I started tapering myself off Celexa completely. I decided that the side effects were too much, and that I had learned enough coping mechanisms through psychotherapy that I felt I didn’t need medication anymore.

I did what I felt was right for my body, and I’m so glad I did. My gut was right in telling me that I didn’t need medication anymore. It was tough to deal with my “raw” anxiety, and I still struggle sometimes, but I had truly underestimated the skills I had developed over the past year to combat it. I am headache free, normally hydrated, and my sex drive is back (that was another unfortunate side effect).

I still think medication can be a wonderful thing, and I am an advocate for people doing what they feel is the best choice for them. Everyone is different, and it is important to be informed so you can make the right choice for you. You know yourself better than anyone, so trust your instincts!

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Out of Pills: on going through withdrawal.

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20ml of Paroxitine a day, 365 days a year. I have been taking this SSRI, or Selective Serotonin Re-uptake inhibitor before I knew what serotonin was. As it turns out, I have this chronic condition called Major Depressive Disorder. I can’t recall a time before being clinically depressed, and I don’t go a single day without feeling the weight of this pathology of mine. But this article isn’t about depression as much as it’s about what happens when you can’t take your medication.

Continue reading →

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Moving Through the Space of Work & School

So, once again i’m here to talk about my fibromyalgia

*cue the violins*

mr krabs

haha but really this past week was very interesting.

Let me explain why.

So Friday before last I woke up and i just couldn’t bend my wrist. At first I thought I just slept on it at a weird angle and figured I could stretch it out and continue about my day. As the day progressed it only got worse. It became difficult to lift anything and driving to work was pretty painful. When I got to work one of my managers helped me out and wrapped it with gauze and tape then used a coffee sleeve  as a splint (innovation at its best!) to keep it from moving. Now while this did limit my movements it did not stop the pain that was radiating from my wrist.

Lifting plates and holding cups, swiping credit cards and reaching for change in my pocket was all so painful now. Unfortunately for me I had to stay and work the rest of my shift. Before I left I took 2 tylenols to help. But it only slightly numbed it to a tolerable level of pain. This problem persisted through the entire weekend. Let’s just say it was one of my harder weekends at work. But I made it through and made a doctor’s appointment for Tuesday bright and early.

Now I was originally diagnosed with fibromyalgia in 2010 by a doctor who worked as an arthritis and pain specialist. As i mentioned in my last blog post, he prescribed me two medications. One prescription was illegible but the one I could read turned out to also be used as an antidepressant and i didn’t feel like risking the side effects. To this day I have not been using a doctor recommended form of treatment. Just yoga, acetaminophen and willow bark for the pain. Lately i’ve realized that maybe that’s just not enough. I need to be able to use my wrist and considering i’m going on week 2 of pain, I need a solution fast.

So I met with a doctor at University Health Services and explained to her that I needed blood work done to be absolutely 100% positive this was indeed fibromyalgia so that I could in turn take the appropriate course of treatment to manage it and keep it in check. She understood my desire for a medical plan that did not involve former antidepressants as treatment. So she drew a bunch of blood and prescribed me anti-inflammatories. Her theory is that my body is producing too many inflammatory cells and sending them to my joints. I’m supposed to take them for 2 weeks and see if they help. In the event that they do, she wants me to stop taking them and if the problem persists, I will be sent to a specialist to determine why my body is sending so many inflammatory cells throughout my body.

Now because my wrist isn’t what it should be, I went and bought myself an Ace bandage to help minimize movement and reduce pain by stabilizing my wrist.

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It’s interesting to see how people react to me now. Most people just stared at my brace and made comments like “you’re a woman of many talents” when i still managed to balance 3 plates. Only a few brave souls have been bold enough to ask me what happened, many exclaiming upon my explanation “aren’t you a little young for that?” To which i reply “yeah but i’m like a 75 year old woman trapped in a 22 year old body” and everyone laughs…. but i’m not even kidding. I literally feel like this old creaky body struggling to get up the stairs or even out of bed in the morning. One of my coworkers told me Sunday it breaks his heart to see me like that because usually we just joke around about my fibromyalgia when i’m really feeling it after a long day but seeing the brace on my wrist “made it all so real.”

Who knew that this simple black bandage could affect the way people perceive my ailment. I’m wearing a knee brace most days but since people can’t see it, it doesn’t exist to them. Something can’t be real if it doesn’t exist, right?