beauty standards

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The Girl That Fat Built

So much of my identity has been shaped by my body and the way the world around me has treated it that I often find myself wondering, “If I’d had a different body, who would I be now?”

Some of my earliest painful memories are of becoming aware of my weight as an issue—my parents’ noticeable concern for my young and rapidly changing body, being called fat by my peers, the inability to share clothes with friends, the list goes on.

As my fat seemed to be under attack by the world around me, I subconsciously began to fashion armor around it. My attempts at protecting myself began with denial, not letting myself believe I was a “fat kid.” At eight years old, I still had the sense that I was fantastic and beautiful and I wasn’t ready to give that up. However, as people grew meaner and more eager to inform me that I wasn’t as beautiful as I thought I was, I came to a sort of sad acceptance.

But because I was a rambunctious and attention-seeking kid, I decided that maybe I could use being fat to my advantage. Continue reading →

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Leaving The Labyrinth of Self Loathing

I was recently perusing the world wide webs when I came across an article entitled “7 Things To Look At When You Feel Bad About Your Body“. I encourage everyone to go read it now. Right this minute and then come back here…Go ahead…I’ll wait… (Warning: Contains bodies, in various forms and fashions)

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Whatever Happened to Embracing One’s Curves!?

So after going through the Fat Bodies section in General Women Studies Class, I was left a bit uneasy.  And you can’t blame me, like how can I accept the fact that the media wants to control what women put in their mouths and constantly blame regular women for the way they look?  It’s all pure nonsense.  Whatever happened to embracing one’s curves, however they look, big or small?  I just don’t understand it.  It frustrates me greatly.

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Don’t Censor the Bush/The Politics of Pubes

Today I want to talk about pubes.

For many people, deciding how to groom their pubic hair is an issue fraught with anxiety, and women in particular are bombarded with images of completely smooth, hairless thighs and bikini lines that we are supposed to emulate and admire. We’re told to shave it, pluck it, wax it, sculpt it—it doesn’t really matter what method we use, as long as we’re rid of our unsightly hair. This standard is so pervasive that women’s pubic hair is now widely slandered as unhygienic (patently false), barbaric, and, above all, pornographic.

*pics of pubes after the cut* Continue reading →

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I Know This Pretty (Slutty) Rave Girl…

Jamming onstage to Doctor P during Stacked: Miami

Jamming onstage to Doctor P during Stacked: Miami. RIP blue hair.

If you’ve ever heard me talk about my musical interests, you’ll know that I’m a massive basshead. I love everything about the Electronic Dance Music community, from the art of making heartfelt kandi bracelets and the secret handshake used to trade them, to the PLUR (Peace, Love, Unity, and Respect) motto, the flow arts (hula hoop dancing, poi, and flow wand) performances during a show, the ability to walk up to anyone and potentially make a new best friend, to the infectious energy radiating from the crowd. Being introduced to the EDM scene allowed me to express myself with reckless abandon, whether it be through dance, hooping, kandi-making, or interesting costume-like getups. But there’s one thing I don’t love about this community- the amount of slut shaming in response to girls wearing rave outfits that attempt to be both cute and comfortable.

TW: Sexual assault, death mention, slut shaming, drug mention, rape culture

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Note of Absence for 10/9

I’m not going to class today.

I can’t say that it’s because I have a fever, or because I had a dentist appointment, or because anybody died.

I’m not going because of the sensations I feel when we talk about fatness. The sickness and the overwhelming feeling of inadequacy (that has always been pushed in to my mentality from various points in my life) always crop up as we talk about our fat, or not so fat bodies. It’s inevitable, this distinct sucking feeling, as if my gut has become a vacuum, and I can zip myself away like a fancy reusable grocery bag.

We talk critically about the hegemonic institutions that create these body ideals. We complain together, air our grievances, we nod and shake our heads together. We are a good class, a good group of people who can empathize and understand each other’s problems, but that’s not enough to save me from wanting to shrink into my backpack and cry in a bathroom stall.

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Short Hair, Don’t Care

It is funny how some people can dislike one small aspect of your body. Shouldn’t people be more reasonable and accept your styles when you choose to do them. Shouldn’t it not be anyone’s business but your own in choosing what you do with your appearance?

Once upon a time I had a boyfriend and we had been dating for about 2 years.Throughout the relationship I had very long hair. This long, frizzy, split ended, dead mass of hair flopping on my cheeks around my face. Don’t get me wrong at one point I did enjoy having my long hair, for me it was a way of hiding when I suddenly became shy and uncomfortable with myself/ my body.. But then all of a sudden I decided to stop hiding from the “world” and show them my face. After I cut my hair I felt a sensation that I had never felt before:empowerment. I felt so unstoppable and beautiful I could not wait to show my boyfriend at the time. He broke up with me within 3 months saying he couldn’t stand my short hair and he wasn’t attracted to me anymore.  My response was simply this; short hair don’t care.

I had learned to love my body, face and self that I realized that I didn’t really “need” him anymore. If someone can’t accept your physical appearance then they are not welcome to influence your daily life.  After cutting my hair I became more comfortable with my body especially my face. Cutting my hair released and old version of me who I never want to be again, a shy small woman who cant see the beauty in herself. That old version of self will never be invited in my life again.