An image of a UMBC dorm room from InternHousingHub, showing a desk, chair, and the bed along with some light decoration.
Earlier this semester, I learned that a significant portion of the furniture from our university is made using prison labor. How’d I find this out? I asked for a new desk chair at my job, because ours was falling apart. I was told that it would take months to get one, yadayadayada, something something, and then I heard the words “prison industrial complex” and immediately tuned back in to the conversation.
Our system postures itself as a beneficial ouroboros; one is led to believe in the presence of infinite resources fit for infinite consumption, yet one can look beyond this façade and see that individuals who rank power and profit above all else have been devouring those deemed unimportant or undesirable. Within the false notion of never-ending resources, one can see a paradox in which abundant resources suddenly become scarce when those outside of a particular group request them. It has been declared that our society cannot have free healthcare, clean air, timely cures for devastating conditions, affordable housing, public health measures, food for hungry children, or the absence of war because it is too expensive or difficult.
Beyond this excuse, one can see that the most likely reason for withholding and denying is that many of these protestors’ demands would not generate sufficient profit for the right companies, nor would the outcomes conform to the prejudiced worldview that has kept the systemic divide alive and well for centuries. As such, numerous causes do not receive attention until a problem becomes so impossible to ignore, so popular, that one may wring profit and control out of it. We produce reusable straws at the detriment of many disabled people, greenwash products made by grossly underpaid workers, and tout ‘personal carbon footprints’ in an unwalkable society, yet the majority of polluters are allowed to continue.
How loud must one be in order to be heard by those in a nearly soundproof box? How visible to be seen through the frosted glass wall that surrounds us? There is a highway barrier between the suffering and the indifferent, built by those who seek profit and power. Even in the places where this barrier crumbles, one is conditioned, either through excess exposure that rots one’s ability to fully see the magnitude of it all or dismissive falsities meant to cloud one’s perception, to see one’s suffering and look away. Those in the figuratively often-less-dangerous slow lane are told that those stuck in the fast lane are to blame for the highway, for its traffic and danger, forgetting that we are all trying to safely reach the same destination while those who built this system fly overhead.
I know they do this on purpose, work us until we can’t anymore. Distract us, bombard us with information about how we’re not doing enough. But sometimes I can’t be the Marxist, I can’t energize the room about something that is so fucking hard to untangle. That is personal. I can’t do this alone, I’m too young to be this tired.
I have failed to work with a system that prioritizes productivity over personhood.
I have chosen moving forward over suffering
I will accept myself to spite a value system that does not want acceptance – but always striving for “better”. If I internalize it, that I am always striving for “better”, then I build a comfortable place for the belief that I will never be enough, to rest upon. Instead, I will build space within myself to be less than ideal.
This is my last semester of college and I am now going to transition from being a body in academia to a body in the workforce. This is a terrifying new concept because I honestly never became comfortable in academia and now I get to go be uncomfortable in a whole new arena. Continue reading →