Month: September 2013

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Rearranging the Order

The other day, I had my sister come visit me at school (it was under the pretense of free grilled cheese afterwards, so I was all for it). After the small 2-room tour of the entire apartment, we came to my room and settled in for a chat. Nothing serious, just the normal “How are classes going?”, “How are things at home?” type of talk. However, a few minutes later, her eyes glanced over to my open closet where a few button up polos and some sweatshirts were the only hanging garments.

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“What are those?”

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Yearly Exam

I silently sign my name on the sheet telling the front desk staff sitting at the computer that I am here, and sit down in a generic, but expensive-looking chair.

Aiming for comfort.

Aiming for comfort.

Women are glued to their copies of Parenting or Marie Clare. A couple sitting cattycorner to each other look up at me, and then glance back at each other talking. An instrumental version of Memories from the musical Cats plays softly in the background. I don’t have a magazine, so I take up Candy Crush. After 10 minutes the woman at the front desk calls my name.

“Hi, Amelia! We just need to get a urine sample from you, so if you could just go down the hallway and to the second door on the left and leave that for us in the metal cabinet, then go to room number two, that’d be excellent!”

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Online Gaming and Gendering Invisible Bodies

Anyone who frequents or even casually plays online games are likely to be familiar with the stereotypes and vitriol surrounding the “girl gamer.” If she exists at all, which very often she does not, she is in your games and responsible for your team’s loss. She’s probably just a “casual” gamer who should stay out of the “big leagues.” She probably isn’t a real gamer at all.

tumblr_m4s3tvjXWd1qfq9sno1_500[1]Am I doing it right?

Of course, on the internet, and in particular in the forum of a game where you have maybe an hour to construct your gender to a group of strangers who will likely never know your face or body or even name, being a “girl gamer” is less about bodies and more about gendered expectations. Bodies certainly are involved with those expectations, though.

TW for slurs, mentions of casual binarism, mentions of homophobia

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Extreme Bodies, Extreme Defiance [Warning for discussions of vomiting]

Every morning I make the same breakfast sandwich: two eggs and cheddar cheese between two slices of toasted bread. As a kid I never ate breakfast, but as an adult I look forward to it. Breakfast not only tastes good, it also gives me energy I need to start my day.

Today isn’t like the other days. On any other day, I would wash down my breakfast with a glass of milk. Today I feel brave, defiant; today, I feel like taking a risk.

Before making my breakfast sandwich, I open the fridge and peer inside. I could have milk, with its comforting pH of almost 7. It’s not much different from water, which in its purest form is a perfect 7. Courage, or maybe stupidity for all I know, floods me as I reach past the milk and pull out a bottle of orange juice.

‘Yes,’ I think to myself, ‘This will work.’

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Women in Public ≠ Public Property *TW assault*

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the issue of women’s bodies being viewed as public property. From cat calls to groping, it seems that many men have a clear sense of entitlement to women’s bodies in public spaces. This way of thinking and acting is incredibly prevalent in our society, and the cultural encouragement of this behavior is especially disturbing. I recently watched several videos by Stuart Edge and Andrew Hales that completely condone this type of behavior by harassing women and then playing it off as a fun joke.

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I Don’t Want To Turn Into a Job Zombie!

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I’m very passionate about pursuing graphic design/animation, but I can’t help but wonder if it may consume me like a parasite when I finally reach my ambition.  As with any career or job, people are immensely dedicated and motivated by the drive or salary that career/job provides them.  But at some point or another that same “drive” may cause their mind, body, and soul to cling ONLY to that one job or career.  What about family, friends, and “me” time?  Will that all just fade into the background?  Or will it even matter at all once one gets to the top?

I know, I’m probably overthinking all of this, but it is quite possible.  Growing up, I’ve witnessed my Dad working overtime every day except on Sundays, and one could tell that he was devoted to his work.  He is self-employed and owns his own appliance business, and his body became “one” with the machinery that he repaired and sold daily to his customers.  His life revolved around carrying heavy refrigerators, squeezing inside limited spaces to repair washing machines/dryers, stuffing himself inside the grossest stoves to get them cleaned for delivery, etc.  It was like he was sent on this earth only to work with these appliances.  I know his drive was to provide for the family, but it seemed like the business was his first priority.

Same can apply to certain friends and acquaintances I know that either have full-time or part- time jobs.  All they are focused on is getting to work in order to get that weekly paycheck.  The majority of their minds dwell on their job, and nothing else.  It is like they are enslaved mentally, almost oblivious to everything in life around them, becoming lifeless and transforming into “job zombies”.

I will continue pursuing my ideal career with great stride, but it seems like in today’s society, human beings are only sources of labor, physically and mentally.  Does one need to become a “job zombie” in order to remain at a comfortable financial status?  Or can one also fit plenty of life’s other values into the picture as well?  Oh well, all that I know is, I have to find an answer to that second question, because I refuse to become a lifeless human being that only commits to my career; my religion, family and friends share a great value as well and greatly deserve as much attention in my life as possible.

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He called me a waste

The guy I went to prom with called me a waste the day I came out to him. He looked me in the eye and said this with a smile on his face as if it what he were proud of what he just said. This wasn’t the last time something like this had ever been said to me. On multiple occasions I have been called “selfish”, “unfair”, and “a waste” by a number of men because of my sexual orientation. And on every one of these occasions I ask them all the same question, “Why?”. Continue reading →

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Do I Control My Hair or Does My Hair Control Me?

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I feel I can safely say that the majority of women I have crossed paths with throughout my lifetime have, at one point or another, completely obsessed over the locks on their heads. What a woman does or does not do with the “filamentous bio-material” that grows from follicles in the skin on one’s skull seems to carry heavy social messages to the world around us.

I believe my hair tells a long and continuous story. The really ridiculous and really awesome things I have done to my hair are like little mental chapter markers; the hairstyles I’ve had are connected to memories of personal struggles and important events that have taken place throughout my lifetime. On one level, the long story of the obsessions I’ve had with my hair and what I have chosen to do with it is purely personal. Yet on another level, a much larger level, this post about the relationship I have with my hair can reflect the many struggles and external pressures that a large number of American women share.

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Why is Dominance so Important to Men

  • In today’s society it seems as though rapes are becoming more common and every time there is a story on the news or in the paper the alleged rapist is always a man that is described be not very muscular. Rape for men seems to be a way for them to have the power that they may not have in their everyday life and this is the only way that they see will achieve it.                                                    
  • Sex looked at today as a sacred moment between a couple when a man can have dominance over the women however, for those men who are not given the chance to express their dominance do whatever they deem necessary. Many men that want to demonstrate their dominance will either rape women while they are sleep or drug them and then rape them. Whatever their tactic is it is all for that sole purpose of having dominance over another person.
  • In the DMV there have been many reports of rape and when the men who are committing crimes are caught their reason for committing these rapes is because women in their past have laughed at them or they just never felt as though they were respected as men and therefore by becoming a man they rape so that the women are able to see and feel who is “in charge”. Having dominance should not be that important to a man but because of the way society has painted it to be men will go through drastic measures just to feel what that dominance feels like.