Phenomenology & Trauma 

When it comes to literature that isn’t required for school, then best believe I will finish a good book in a day. Except for one book. “The Body Keeps Score” by Bessel van der Kolk. A book I picked up in hopes of understanding the root and healing process of trauma without realizing how triggering and difficult it actually is to read. One of my coping mechanisms (which by the way I do not recommend) is to bury memories and store them in a place that I don’t ever want to revisit. Realistically speaking you cannot erase experiences. Experiences no matter how small or how big the impact will always stick with you. 

When we first approached the topic of phenomenology my brain immediately went to how I am struggling to read this book. I am struggling with my own journey of phenomenology. Identifying an experience is one thing, but having to dive into its structure or the meaning within that experience is a whole other level. 

For the sake of this blog I’ll dive into a pretty recent experience of what I would describe as phenomenology. Whenever I am walking and someone is coming towards me in the exact opposite direction more than likely if they are a white man they will not move out the way. Two things usually happen; I move out of the way or we bump into each other. Even after bumping into each other I often will not hear the words “sorry” or “excuse me”. This experience has been happening for years. Recently I have explored the structure surrounding this experience and how it shapes my actions. In the moment of this experience I become tense, uncomfortable, and start overthinking. Very similar to the way my body automatically reacts to walking into not so diverse environments. It feels threatened and unsafe. Before diving into the layers that surround this “phenomena” of coming close to a white man on the street, I would just lightheartedly say, “some people are just rude”. When in fact it has shaped my subconscious reaction in experiences to follow. 

Now that was a very real example. But also not something with that big of a magnitude in my life that I would feel the need to bring up in therapy or would associate to the trauma recalled when reading, “The Body Keeps Score”. Take that example as an outline of what happens when I turn the pages of the book and begin to revisit past traumas and realize the layers of complexity behind them. Oftentimes overcome with heavy emotion and dark moments of enlightenment I shut the book and put away my memories. One day I will do better with studying my own phenomenology. 

What two animals can you see in the picture above? I will leave the question and answer for later. 

Who has never been impressed by a magic trick? Well both of these two questions have something in common and the special aspect is Phenomenology, a really weird word that if you have never heard of it might not understand anything of what I would express later but might have a first impression of phenomena and would be correct. In fact, Phenomenology is the study of everything surrounding phenomena at the eyes of the person involved like the person’s memories, feelings and body reactions, according to the situation. 

I gave two questions before going into depth with the main topic and these provide the examples to understand the topic of phenomenology. Starting with the magic trick, the magician before doing the trick talks or makes different movements to catch your attention and place it into these different actions so, you will not caption the disappearance of a plastic ball from his fist. It doesn’t really require the same preparation of a magician to exercise phenomenology, I can do it too! Let me show you! Looking back at the picture at the beginning of the text, mentioning earth, mammal or pet you should see a rabbit, but if I were to talk about the ocean, beach or river, you might look back at the image and see a seagull or duck. As easy as that, the idea of a single thing or object shifts by the conversation or thoughts going on at the moment.

this is a typical response to racism, made with good intentions and in good faith. even in alcoff’s “Towards a Phenomenology of Racial Embodiment”, it is highlighted that the liberalism concepts of universalism purport that differentiating between race through color impedes equality, essentially saying that acknowledging color is unseemly. despite that good, this statement can be seen as ignoring the privileges certain people have over others and can invalidate the struggles some experience because of race. i’ve found myself trying to explain this to people in the past, and it is (not surprisingly) very difficult. when having discussions about race with someone who is not the same race as you, the conversation can become very defensive, very quickly. as a black person, i try to have these open discussions with friends and peers so we can all learn from each other. for some reason though, i never feel like i get much out of the conversation. since we aren’t used to having these tricky conversations, they continuously feel like uphill battles. talking about race with other black people is different, and easier: because our experience with race is similar.

it is extremely important in this day and age to educate ourselves on the experiences of everyone. but it just can’t be denied that it is typically easier, and maybe more comfortable, to surround yourself with people who have similar experiences to you. there is a lesser chance of a cultural barrier, and it can be easier to form connections because of this. at my high school during a school-wide assembly, my principal said that while he walked through the cafeteria, he noticed that most tables were primarily filled with people of the same race. he was perfectly correct: whether it happened intentionally or unintentionally the people of my school typically were friends with others that looked like them. originally when he stated this i thought “what’s the problem with that?” and in my opinion its not a problem: it makes sense that we as humans choose to be around people like us. but we can’t truly learn about the experiences of others if we don’t allow ourselves to.

the main reason why the “i don’t see color” saying confuses me is because i see color. a lot. i notice it in every new environment i’m in, especially in the workplace or at school. as a black person in the STEM field, it is very obvious to me when i am sometimes the only black person in the room. or as a black person working in an IT department, it is very apparent to me that i am one of the only persons of color in the office. or even just moving about my daily life, acknowledging the fact that because i am black, i will be perceived in certain stereotypical ways in public. my main point is, that having the privilege to “not see color” means you are desensitized to the experiences that people of color experience every day. we all, as humans, need to develop a better understanding of our shared and individual experiences. we also need to learn empathy for each other, and compassion. there is still a very long way to go for racial equality, but acknowledging one another, and our color, is the first step.