As the semester comes to an end, and a much needed break is nearly within our grasp, there is still one more dreadful week we as students need to get through. Finals. This week is dreaded by students as the seasons begin to change and we realize that winter is here, which means so the hardest weeks of our lives. Personally, this semester, I only have one in person final, and 4 other final papers to write as well. Not only do two of my papers land on the same day, my in person final isn’t until the very last day of the semester, giving me plenty of time to stress out over it everyday!

The thought of taking a final itself is mentally draining. We as a society put so much pressure on ourselves to do the best possible on these tests that determine our final grades in classes we spent months trying to accomplish. This causes an extreme amount of stress on a person. I’m not a good test taker to begin with, add the fact that this test can determine whether or not I pass a class? That’s a recipe for disaster. I also watch it happen to all of my friends. We go from these joyful moods of school nearly being over for Christmas, to falling into finals week depression. We sit and we stress over trick questions and open answered questions and for what? To find out how good we did in a class that may have no relevance to my degree.

Not only is finals week mentally draining, it is physically draining too. I look back on my freshman year, I had one final left and then I was good to go home. It just so happened that it was going to be my hardest final. I was cramming months worth of work into a couple weeks of trying to remember every formula and rule I have ever learned for this class. My eyes are barely open from staring at screen and my hands can’t bare to do another math problem. I stay up all night studying trying to prep myself. When I finally do get to go to sleep, I wake up throughout the night in fear that I am going to sleep through my 8am final the next morning. So I go to the final, I take the test and I walk out feeling very not confident. Next I have to go home and face my parents who constantly ask me what my final grades are and why I can’t do well on these tests. The only answers I have is that the stress physically causes my body anxiety and I can’t function during these tests. This is something that happens to so many students at the end of the semester and our already drained and fatigued bodies can only take so much from the stress these taxing tests give us.

Thanks for coming to my little end of the semester rant, I’m gonna get to work stressing about all my papers now.

I had a couple ideas for a blog post but couldn’t decide on one so I’m doing both! Getting it all out there for the last post of the semester. 

            ‘Never give up’ is a common phrase that is thrown around in hopes to encourage its listeners to continuously push through, no matter the hardship. When I was little, he would read me stories for bed and my favorite was the Care bears, and particularly a story about a bear that never gave up. From there, this phrase was something my dad continuously instills in me, even to this day.

It’s just a dream. It’s not real.

Last week I was plagued by nightmares that woke me up every hour of the night and left me disoriented and foggy for the rest of the day, less from the lack of sleep and more from the lingering sense that I was somehow still stuck between sleep and waking, in a liminal space where I couldn’t trust my own mind.

Poems

Rage like Banner

In my mind I have rage like Hulk.

I have the rage everyday

I want to roar, smash, and destroy.

But the reality is I am just merely Bruce Banner.

I appear to keep calm to keep peace.

I deny myself love to not reveal the monster inside.

Can I allow myself to be the Hulk? 

Do I need to release the Hulk?

Do I have to keep being Bruce Banner?

These days I feel like everybody is moving so fast paced that it is hard to even catch a breath. We work, go to school, and are involved in extra curriculars, sometimes I think that I’m going to miss an assignment or something important if it take time away from my schoolwork. I’m sure I’m not alone in this mentality, and that many other people feel the same way as I do. With this in mind, I don’t always feel like I can take a break. And aside from that, I don’t really want to take a break. I feel like the only time I will allow myself to take a break will be when the semester is over, and all of my schoolwork is completed.

I am also a student athlete here at UMBC, and our athletics are finally winding down for the winter break. However, I play a spring sport and it is essential that I come back in the spring ready for our season. I think sports have also played a role in this struggle to take a. break. Coaches have always told us that if you take a break, somebody out there is practicing and getting better than you. Some athletes are even taught to play through minor injuries and illnesses because their coaches do not want their players to “lose their edge.” This mentality has caused athletes to push themselves to the limits and devalue relaxation.

The moral of the story is that we all need a break, especially during this time of year. Finals are starting and we are experiencing extreme levels of stress in school. I think in some cases it’s hard to take a break from everything you have to do, but our bodies need it. Our bodies physically and mentally cannot sustain a life where we don’t take breaks. I think during college it is hard to take time off because it feels like you have so many responsibilities piled on to each other, but it is so important for our health to be able to take a step back. Now from the other perspective, I think that too many breaks can also be an issue. However, there is definitely a happy medium that might be different from person to person. I think finding this medium can help to ensure that you will not burn yourself out later in life.