You awaken eyes bloodshot teeth aching and a pit in your stomach you look up and he stands there pleased with himself and it comes into focus what has happened why you were on the cold pavement your back wet from the puddle you seem to be sitting in the anger wells up as liquid flows down your face you try to stand but stumble back into that puddle he places a hand out and waits a moment before reaching out and grabbing the front of your shirt yanking you up “what? can’t stand?” your feet dangling above the pavement just barely “wh..why do this to me” you manage to choke out as he lowers you to the ground “I don’t know truthfully irritation maybe I was reading minds looking for my next meal when all I could hear was you. I have never heard someone actually recite calorie conversions” you shift in place entirely uncomfortable with someone reading your thoughts then you feel it this intense pain that shoots through you like a dagger in the gut. You’ve ignored hunger before but this this was a different beast it was angry it was demanding it was not something you were gonna be able to ignore ” there it is” he chuckles ” Well you have fun with that” he begins walking away “I’m sure you and that new apatite of yours are gonna have quite the time together try not to kill to many people and most of all have fun” he vanishes into the shadow leaving you alone cold and hungry.

              I work on campus for a part of DoIT and this causes me to interact with other students and with professors. On campus the power dynamic is generally that professors are in a higher position and are to be respected always. When I am on the clock and assisting a user with an issue, I am providing a service to a user and about half of the time it is for a professor. So, when I go out to help with their ticket it can go one of two ways. They either see me as a student who is there to “help” and behave very rudely as if I do not know what my own job entails, with them trying to tell me how to perform a certain task for my job when it is the primary thing we do. Or they respect that I am a working member of DoIT as I am providing a service to them, and they trust that I will resolve the issue.

I HATEEEEE to admit this but the day we talked about how much time goes into labor and preparing for labor, I just about cried in class. My eyes welled up with fat tears hearing the hours and hours and hours and HOURS of my life that were being wasted on school and work and preparing for school and work. 

And it felt stupid that I was crying about it. I had been working since high school so it’s not like I hadn’t ever known or internalized this information. But, seeing all the hours calculated on the board intensified the feeling I always keep tucked away in my chest: I’m running out of time. My life is being spent in school and at work, instead of doing things that I actually enjoy. Instead of drawing and spending time with my loved ones, I’m putting my mind and body through hell for things that don’t even bring me joy or even satisfaction. 

And we’re EXPECTED to do this. Expected to sacrifice our personal lives, our precious time with ourselves and our loved ones, for work and school. Because if we really cared about becoming successful in life, we would choose to make that sacrifice. I remember receiving a text in the group chat of colleagues I was added to when I started my new job. The text talked about how it was our responsibility as new employees to sacrifice our holidays and free time to work so that the senior coworkers could finally enjoy the holidays they had missed out on during all these years and years of service. 

And for a lot of us, we HAVE to make that sacrifice play, whether it’s to make rent or to have enough to eat. Our bodies aren’t anything but tools for our employers to use until they’re unusable and unprofitable. And we HAVE to live this way if we want to survive and thrive in the current world we live in. 

All of that really hit me all at once during that class discussion, all of these thoughts collected in the tears that were ridiculously close to spilling. 

I think this is one of the reasons why it’s important to appreciate the time we spend with loved ones, ourselves included. Because those moments become a rarity as you grow up and have your time eaten by capitalism. Because those moments are what remind you that you are a PERSON, not just a tool.

How many of us feel anxious when discussing our weight and attempt to change the topic it as soon as possible?

What percentage of us think that, in the end, what matters most is a person’s capacity to feel at ease within their own body and refrain from using that confidence as a means of gaining an advantage over others in the society we have today?

An major determinant of a female’s partner’s worth is their body weight. Although it may appear unpleasant, the idea behind it is one that was developed through the ages.  Physique size and shape substantially influence what is considered beautiful. Everywhere in the globe, that is the situation. I believe that as we become older, we more aware of our bodies. As our consciousness grows, we begin to notice things that other people deem to be flawed and begin to worry about our bodies. Weight is an example of these imperfections that humans battle.

A person’s body weight increase or significant loss is frequently directly attributed to changing their eating or activity routine. One can get upset with your body and start working out harder if one suspect you’ve put on a couple pounds. In contrast, you would applaud yourself for improving your diet if the scale indicates that you are lighter than typical. Although many individuals wouldn’t even consider it, bigger weight shifts are sometimes triggered by hormonal changes or imbalances. Researchers have shown that hormonal fluctuations can affect your eating, affecting the amount of food you consume and what kinds of cravings you have. 

Compared to males, women seem to be more inclined to indulge in emotional eating. They might grab ice cream far quicker than a male might when they are anxious, unhappy, or overcome with emotion. Women are more likely to use aggressive dietary techniques to get in shape, including missing meals or doing juice fasts. 

As a fat person, everyday I constantly battle with myself. Do I want to look flat when I go out, or show my fat? Do I want to seem slimmer, or let everything exist how it’s supposed to? Would I rather be comfortable or uncomfortable? This constant battle with myself resulted in my toxic relationship with shapewear.

Shapewear, shapers, waist trainers, and girdles: all names for a garment that comes in different sizes and shapes. This garment has multiple functions, but its most common use is to slim the body and make it look thinner, and less curvy. They can be short or long, they can come with mesh bottoms (which form the shapewear into shorts), they can have hooks or straps or zippers to close them, and they can come in different colors. 

I own five of them.

In class, we learned about different types of labor and how shapes are body and emotions to helps us navigate the world. Karl Marx makes a good a point about how we are so alienated to in doing labor without realizing we maybe suppressing our emotions just for working and making money. Emotional labor defined by Arlie Hochschild is the management of feelings and expressions to fulfill job requirements of a job. People find a job and work to support themselves financially, even if it means expressing their true emotions. Typically jobs where you interacted with a lot people to fulfill their needs like health care jobs and customer service. Occupations like nursing or caregiving need you to take care of numerous people and cope with sickness or death on a regular basis while maintaining your calm. These jobs also require you to be sensitive and pleasant to many clients throughout a day even when you are not treated nicely. It might be more difficult to control your own emotions when you are simultaneously struggling with other mental health problems. My current job is considered healthcare and I will say my experience with job has caused me to hide more true emotions quite a lot. I have been working at a Senior Living Home as a Dining Server for about over year now. The challenge of my job is that most residents there have onset dementia like Alzheimer’s Disease. Because of this, those residents can have a hard time remembering things, thinking, and making decisions that can interfere with everyday and can cause them to get easily frustrated or irritated. I have dealt with quite of few residents who get frustrated with me and have food thrown at me because them getting irritated about something. Of course, I have to stay composed because of the sake for the residents comfort and the reputation of the business I work because if I were to lash out I feel like it would show a lack empathy or feelings towards the residents needs. On top of this, residents have other issues like hearing and eye sight problems and have physical limitations. We have to always work around and cater to these things and requires a lot of patience to deal with the residents.

Before coming to UMBC, I thought that “disabled people” needed special treatment or extra help. but this changed when I came to umbc. During my first semester here, I met a paralyzed guy on one side of his body. To be exact, he has hemiplegia, a symptom involving one-sided paralysis. one day, he asked me to go on a walk, and I was very hesitant but said yes at the end. I tried to go on the most accessible walk possible, which was difficult because UMBC is very hilly and has many stairs. As we were walking, I tried to redirect the hike multiple times to make it easier for my friend. Suddenly my friend asked to go up the stairs to see the skyline of Baltimore city. At the moment, I was not sure what to say. I accidentally said are you sure you want to go. He was kind and said yeah, I like the exercise. As we slowly walked up the stairs, I noticed my friend getting out of breath. We kept going to the top, where the performing arts building was. At that moment, I realized that even though he struggled to walk, he never gave up and asked for help. I realized that “disabled people” are self-efficient and will ask for help when needed; people should not look at them any less differently because they can do everything everyone else can.

On the other hand, I was getting late at night a few weeks ago, and someone in front of me was trying to get a drink cup, and she was struggling and had dropped a few paper cup lids over to the floor. She asked me to help her grab a cup and a straw within a few seconds. I was glad to help her and help her pick up the things that fell. My idea of “disabled people” has changed over the years from wow I should be helping them all the time to wow they can do everything by themself and I should help but when they needed it. My asking can make them feel ashamed of being the way they are, but they did n