An interracial relationship is when two persons of different races are in a relationship with each other. Interracial relationships has a colorful history that has impacted society in a variety of ways. It has become an increasing common type of relationship that was previously been deterred, frowned-upon, and even criminalized at certain points. Although today’s society has become more accepting towards interracial relationships, there are several ways in which interracial relationships are still seen as wrong.

One of the most commonly discussed and scrutinized types of interracial relationships is that between African Americans and white Americans. Due to the terrible history of racism and the perpetuation of the idea that Africans/African Americans were inferior to white Americans, it became increasingly more important to deter relations between the two races due to the belief in innate differences between the two. Although it is known that race is a social construct and has no biological merit, it has real social implications that impact everyday life and relationships. This can be seen in cases such as Loving v Virginia where banning interracial marriage was finally eradicated in from the law in 1967. The fact that banning interracial marriage was not removed until 1967 showed how important it was in society to keep race relations to a minimum.

The social implications of race still played a significant role in interracial relationships after interracial marriage was legalized. Although it was legally recognized, it was still socially frowned upon. As the United States became increasingly more progressive, the idea of interracial relationships increasingly became more acceptable. However, there are still factors impact these types of relationships including ideas of colorism, becoming a “traitor to your own people”, and the fundamental ideas of racism that has still permeated society despite the social acceptability of interracial relationships.

As an African American woman in an interracial relationship, I have become increasingly more aware of the impact society can have on a relationship. Situations such as being stared at when going out or feeling like I must defend my relationship to others has become something that I have noticed as a part of my relationship. Although race is not a factor to me and has no standing in my relationship, society has created factors that have inevitably made it a part of my relationship. Interracial relationships have become more common in society, but the negative feelings have not disappeared.

I thought at first I was just weak. No one else struggled as badly with their periods. Clearly, everyone could handle these debilitating symptoms just fine. Therefore I was weak for struggling with something so natural. Then I realized there was something very wrong with my body. I would say something completely normal to me and people would react with confusion. At this point, I switched to feeling like a freak. It sounds egotistical, but at the time I had zero information about menstrual cycles. That’s sadly not an exaggeration. Oh, sure public health classes gave those deemed female basic biology information. But any useful information that could help people like me was never given. Like what are reproductive diseases? Or plenty of women struggle with periods its ok. Here are some ways to get help if you need it. Or heck, a simple don’t be ashamed to go to the doctors if you need help!

Before high school, you would have never caught me working out in the main gym area. I was the shy, anxious teenager that would rather lift weights downstairs in the tiny women’s gym than risk getting judged by the two-hundred-fifty pound bodybuilders that were max squatting close to triple my weight. Even though the women’s gym had limited space and quite frankly the oldest, dingiest equipment, I didn’t want to worry about potentially publicly embarrassing myself in the main gym. As a middle schooler who had never picked up a dumbbell, I was terrified of what others would think of me when I was working out. I had already thought of the worst case scenarios in my head and that was more than enough to keep me from stepping foot in the main lifting area. 

However, looking back, I realized that my anxiety didn’t stem from not knowing how to use the machines or equipment, it came from a place of feeling like an outsider. As a female, I felt intimated because of the preconceived notions of gyms. If you would have asked middle-school me to describe a gym atmosphere I would have said something along the lines of testosterone and sweaty, muscular men. Nowhere in my description would I have mentioned the word “female” and that was largely due to the fact that gyms have been portrayed as gendered spaces. The body standards and expectations that we place on women doesn’t help either.

Growing up, I remember watching a scene from “Full House” and one of the main characters, DJ Tanner, was trying out the gym for the first time. Instead of heading towards the weights, she gravitated towards the treadmill and elliptical. For so long, the ideal female body revolved around skinny legs, small waists, and dainty arms. Women were afraid to get “bulky” and gain muscle because they feared that they would lose their femininity. This lie has kept so many women, including myself, from stepping foot in the gym because they didn’t want to go against the gender stereotypes that have been placed on our society for so long. 

But, as women have started to embrace the gym and step into more male-dominated fields and interests, a new respect has come from it, let alone even more confidence. Personally, I have never felt more confident in myself after I started lifting weights. In 2020, being a size double zero is less of a concern and physical strength has started to float towards the top of the list for females. As we become more accepting of bodies, gender, and sexuality, my hope is that strong can be the new sexy. Let’s work to desexualize the gym and make it a space where both genders feel at home.

I was 21 when I learned my uterus isn’t fully mine to control. No this isn’t about abortion, it’s not a political stance, nor is it here to suggest you should feel one way or another. It’s an epiphany about the medical control of bodies, and how this control of bodies is affecting lives.  

When I was 21 one of my close friends wanted to have her uterus removed. She had lived 24 years of her life with awfully painful periods, constant cists, and always with the knowledge that she never wanted to have kids. Sometimes I wonder if she could have taken sick days, instead of puking in the bathroom of our restaurant from the pain, if it would have affected her decision. But our society does not see periods the way she experienced them unfortunately, and she was ready for this. She wanted her uterus out, she had her reasons, and she was prepared to live with her decision. And then she went to her doctor.  

Her gynecologist told her she would not remove it, nor refer her to someone who would. The excuses ranged from a variety of things like, “you’re too young you’ll want kids eventually” to “you have a healthy uterus it would be unethical to remove”. I remember when she told me this, she said something along the lines of “what does a healthy uterus even mean”. 

A throw away comment stemming from disappointment. But the one that stuck. What does it mean? And why does a doctor get to determine it? Surely after years of pain she knew the status of her own uterus. Surely after chronic cists she could determine its health. But in one appointment a doctor who she trusted determined their decision over her body’s health was the law.  

This isn’t about whether it is right for a 24-year-old person to remove their uterus. This is about the medicalization and invalidation that she experienced that day, that most bodies have. As people with uteruses we get told there is more to the story. That our uterus is a being of its own and that our conceptions of our body do not outweigh the science. She was in pain, she felt unhealthy, she wanted something for her body, but the medical world invalidated her pain told her she was healthy and sent her home with an effective slap on the wrist for trying.  

I’m 23 now. She is 26, with a uterus still. And I wonder how she feels about it. Sometimes I still wonder how I feel about it. How far would the unhealth have to go, why does it have to go anywhere? How old is old enough? Why was this decision not hers to make but a doctors to dictate.  

Her doctor made the argument that she had the ideal uterus because of medicalization of body parts. I sometimes wonder if that came from an idealization of her body with a uterus. Was it not the uterus that was ideal, but the idea that as a female the ideal is having a uterus?  

I can’t answer these questions. I won’t even try. But I will use it as a reminder that maybe medicalization isn’t always made for the people in the bodies, but the bodies themselves. A reminder that the ideal medical body is not always the one we have, and sometimes not the one we want.