Up until my early high school years, I was not really much of a music person, which some people might consider weird. I was at the lowest point of my life during my high school days, I was depressed. I needed a way to relieve my depression. I struggled to find someone I could talk to. I never tried leaning towards my parents because they always expected me to shake away my emotions. I eventually talked to one of my friends and I was recommended music. As I listened to the, I deeply resonated with the lyrics of the song that I shed tears. It was the first time in my life I thought music had meaning to me on a deeper level. It opened up a new realm of music for me. I then decided to get Spotify and explore everything it had to offer. I started customizing my playlist which consists of my favorite songs and even now, it is still getting updated! I immersed myself to different artists and songs and developed a love towards them and their music. I’m glad I was able to find myself and grow to love music as a whole.

Ever since I found a meaning to music in my life, I listened to it more often, especially when I am studying, working out, or when I’m feeling down. Music had certainly impacted my life positively. I started learning to play the piano and guitar. Whenever I want a space of peace and mind, I play the guitar in my room, as it was a place where I can disregard all my negative emotions and thoughts. Sometimes you just need to have your personal space and really detox yourself.

I can’t imagine not being exposed to the vast variety of music. I probably can’t go a day without it now, and that isn’t an exaggeration! It will forever and always remain in a special place in my heart.

I found our topic on sport sport-industrial complex and its effects on black people to be interesting because I see the same thing in music. I talked about it in my response paper but I wanna go into more depth here

Many African Americans have had music stolen from them by white people. Things such as rock, blues, and country were stolen from African Americans and many white people succeeded in the pain expressed through these songs. Rap music differed heavily though because it was thought of as not music. It was heavily scrutinized by not only white people but even some black people. This would later make it harder for white people to assimilate themselves into rap music.

Rap also eventually took a turn with its lyrics becoming more violent and that was due to people expressing the lifestyle they were surrounded by. This furthered the demonization of rap music especially by white people because they didn’t fully understand that the music was real life for African Americans. Even now there are very few popular white rappers compared to black people. It was a lot harder for white people to break into rap because white people generally had a different experience of life than black people. It’s a lot harder to relate to something you’ve never experienced and you can’t really connect.

With the failure of white people to get into rap and the popularity of rap, music labels really tried to capitalize on them. Many rappers come from impoverished areas and are rapping to get out of their situation. Music labels feed on this and offer this money to these rappers (generally African Americans) take the majorithy of their revenue and extort them. Rappers are presented with money they’ve never had access to and they don’t know how to effectively use it and that’s what the music labels want. It gives them absolute control over the rapper and at any moment they aren’t making enough money they could be dropped just like that. To make it worse the same people who claim that rap music is “vulgar” is also the same people who are heads of these labels and only want to use them to get money. Many rappers call rap a modern day slavery.

Embracing myself …..

In a world that constantly urges us to conform, it can be tempting to change who we are to fit into different environments. However, I have come to realize that true happiness lies in embracing our individuality and staying true to ourselves, regardless of the circumstances. In today’s blog post, I want to share my personal experiences and insights on how I have navigated the challenge of maintaining my identity while adapting to various environments. I firmly believe that one should never feel ashamed of their culture, spirituality, or any part of their identity, as these aspects make us who we are.

One aspect of my identity that I have always treasured is my religion and culture. Wherever I go, I carry these integral parts of myself with me. Embracing my religion and culture has not only provided me with a sense of belonging but has also allowed me to connect with others who share similar backgrounds. I firmly believe that by remaining true to my religious and cultural values, I am able to foster a profound sense of self-worth and authenticity. My spiritual life has always been a central pillar of my identity. It has guided me through difficult times and provided solace and strength in the face of adversity. I firmly believe that nurturing our spiritual well-being is essential for maintaining our authenticity. Whether it’s through prayer, meditation, or engaging in spiritual practices, dedicating time to nourish our souls allows us to stay grounded and true to ourselves regardless of the environment we find ourselves in.

In a society that often places immense pressure on individuals to conform, it can be challenging to resist the temptation to change ourselves to fit in. However, I have learned that true happiness and fulfillment come from embracing our uniqueness. Instead of succumbing to social expectations, I choose to celebrate my individuality, allowing my differences to shine rather than dulling them. It is crucial to surround ourselves with supportive and accepting individuals who appreciate us for who we are. By seeking out like-minded friends and communities, we create safe spaces where our identity is respected and cherished. These connections not only reinforce our sense of self, but they also inspire us to continue embracing our individuality and remaining true to ourselves in any environment. As I navigate different environments, I realize the importance of educating others about my culture, religion, and spiritual practices. By raising awareness, I break down stereotypes and foster an atmosphere of understanding and acceptance. It is through open dialogue and cultural exchange that we can create inclusive environments where diverse identities are valued.

In a world that often pressures us to conform, it is essential to resist the urge to change ourselves to fit into various environments. By embracing our religion, culture, and spiritual lives, we can build a strong sense of self and feel empowered to stay true to who we are. Let us celebrate our individuality and educate others, creating environments that foster understanding and acceptance. Remember, never feel ashamed of your identity; it is what makes you unique and beautiful.

All my life I’ve been a music enthusiast, hell, even my family is as they have always had a certain type of rhythm. My mom and other family members grew up in Panama where music was very prevalent, whether it was Jamaican music, reggae in Espanol, salsa, bachata etc. that early on was instilled into me. That ear for beats and lyrics all came from my people and their habits as well as my environment. Growing up I listened to a lot of hip hop as an inner-city urban kid that went through progressions. Music in a lot of ways was therapeutic to me and helped me get through things and situations that were stressful and prevalent at the time and even gave me a better love and understanding of the things that I listened to. To me, I listen to everything and have because the different genres of music often times match with the feelings I currently hold. If I’m sad or depressed one day I might listen to sad alternative music; if I’m happy the next I might listen to joyous or rowdy hip hop or rock. Music to me is more than just music, it’s a lifestyle and a characteristic that describes me and who I am as an individual. There was a point in time when I was so wrapped up into music that I became a producer for a while, learning how to produce beats and mix & master tracks. Those days are long gone but all in all it caused me to have a deeper connection with music. The music I’ve listened to and continue to listen too also inspired me to pursue photography and arts. It was not the sole reason why I pursued those options but did play a factor on those decisions. I’m a very creative person in general and music and arts like photography and videography go hand in hand so that transition was fairly easy for me in that sense of becoming a content creator.

I started doing photography in 2018 and now if your able to see some of the stuff that I have now, it has a lot of music incorporated in a lot of ways by far. Overall, music is in ways my saving grace and has navigated me through my up and downs through relatability and continues to do so as my life keeps on moving. It keeps me sane when I’m out of it, it keeps me alive when I’m at my highest, it truly is a wonderful thing to have access to within my everyday life, almost like a necessity. Most times my mind can’t live without it which is why you see me with headphones all the time but to me putting those headphones in and listening to artists is like the equivalency of drinking water at this point, its just that effortless. Ever since I was little all the way till now, music has been essential towards every aspect of my life. I can keep going on and on, but I think you all get the memo. Music is music but to me it’s more than just that.

Recently I had the opportunity to participate in a dance for a school organization event on campus. While this seemed exciting I was extremely hesitant as I didn’t believe that I was “built” to dance. I was very nervous going into the first practice because I knew that there was going to be a clear distinction between my size and the other girl’s size. However, I knew I wanted to participate as this is my last semester and I wanted to do something that was out of my comfort zone. The first practice went really well and I was caught off guard. All the girls that I would be dancing with were really nice and helpful when going over the dance moves. Going to these dance practices really made me feel better about myself and my body. During these practices I noticed how much work it really was to dance for even a minute straight. I became more aware of my movements and my environment in a good way. Learning to position myself in different places and finding different ways to dance to a certain lyric was very fun for me. Another thing about me is that I dislike public speaking, even presenting in class is a big barrier for me. I get really nervous and tend to mess up a lot, so cue to event day, I remember not being nervous at all when I was about to perform in front of 200+ people. I was shocked at myself too because usually I would be jittery or trying to back out at the last minute. The actual performance was a blur for me but all I know is that I did my best and I felt really good about myself. Becoming more aware of my surroundings reminded me of “As the Earth Dances” by Kimerer LaMothe “Insofar as dancing can educate people’s sensory awareness to their own movement as the movement of nature within them…” I related to this as I was very aware of my own environment during practice and during the actual performance. Overall, I am really glad I did this before I graduated and had fun doing it!

There has been an ongoing discourse about how gen Z was robbed from our 20s, and especially the clubs. Growing up, we watched shows like Jersey Shore and constantly heard songs about getting drunk in the club. But now that we are old enough to go out, we feel cheated. People just aren’t dancing the way they used to, and I think dance has become a thing that a lot of people think is embarrassing or “cringe” most of the time. I thought about this after reading “As the Earth Dances,” because it reminded me of how important dance is for individuals and society at large. In a way, I feel like dance has been somewhat colonized much like everything else. Even thinking about a more accepted form of dance… the TikTok dances. Those dances are usually created by black people, and are then watered down for others to easily learn. But even TikTok dances are products which can be bought and sold. But anyway, when someone starts freestyling in the club (which are usually older adults or very drunk people), people record them instead of joining in, further isolating the person. I mean they might like the attention, but it is so individualistic you know? There is no communal dancing. But when I see videos from HBCUs, people have choreography and there are so many people dancing all together and having a good time at almost every event. Its almost like dance has been whitewashed, and it makes me so sad because I love to dance, but I rarely feel comfortable doing it in public without people looking at me like I have 4 heads.

I think bringing back dancing without shame would help society tremendously. It would make people feel more connected to the community, to friends, to music, to nature, and so much more. It would help us start valuing art that is not made to be bought or sold, and also help us to value one another and their bodies. Dance also elevates people’s moods and releases feel good chemicals in the brain. Instead of dancing alone in your room, could you imagine dancing in a club full of people ALL dancing without caring about how they looked? That would be amazing. And there is no doubt that cellphones have impacted this experience. Because everyone is worried about getting recorded and possibly losing their jobs or being made fun of for what they look like while dancing.

Society would be so much better if we valued art that isn’t a product. Because dance IS valuable and it IS necessary. Art is amazing because it communicates through itself, and not necessarily through words. Art has the power to bring people together, and right now it is very individualistic. Going back to my example of TikTok dances, most people learn and perform the dance by themselves and then post it for everyone to see. How isolating is that? We don’t need to make dance an online thing, I wish instead, we could have community dance events where people learn and perform dances together you know – “live.” It’s actually pretty dystopian to think about, especially in comparison with other cultures where they value community and interconnectedness.

PS: We need better music in the clubs and more DJs who identify as women!!

Music makes me feel gender. Whether it’s moving my body, feeling the beat, watching live performance, or playing the drums, music is the one thing that helps me make sense of my tangled mess of a mind and body. I haven’t played the drums in a while but I have been practicing since I was 15. My Chemical Romance had a profound effect on me when I was younger and I became so enthralled with the motions and flow of playing the drums. I started practicing on my dad’s drum kit in our basement. In some weird way, it helped me feel connected to my body. For some time, I was a cyborg and my wooden drumsticks were merely an extension of my flesh. Playing the drums is kind of a dance, too. My left arm held a steady snare beat while my right flailed between crash and hihat and ride. Meanwhile, my legs were running in place as they pedaled away. I felt connected to myself and I was playing music that helped process the anguish and loneliness I felt at the time. I was at home in my body.

Later on, I understood gender in a different way. I took a class called Transnational Feminisms and I was introduced to Mia Mingus and her idea of “moving towards the ugly.” I became fascinated with the idea of reclaiming ugliness and finding beauty and empowerment in its subversive nature. For my final project in that class I made a zine highlighting queer people in hardcore and how they embody gender through their music.” Many of these people are queer and POC making music about those embodied experiences. As a queer POC myself, I felt recognized myself in this messy and chaotic music because it’s how I feel about my own damn self! As part of my zine I created a Spotify playlist called FEMME TUNES to showcase the liberating hardcore music created by queer and POC femmes. This felt relevant to share since the class made a shared playlist. So I am sharing mine for anyone who is interested:)

The last 2 weeks have been a living hell for me. I have been so stressed out because of exams and finals, it just feels like my entire life is breaking apart. No matter how much I study, it feels like it will never be good enough. This week I had two exams, a quiz, and had to do an 8-page essay. Later on Wednesday found out that I got a B on an English essay, that I worked so hard on which now changed my grade from an A to a B in the class. In that moment of seeing that B, I cried. I just felt worthless the moment when I saw that grade because, in the back of my mind, I just thought about how I would never be good enough no matter how much I studied or put effort into an assignment or exam. No matter how much effort I put into all my classes, my grades just keep on going down, and I just feel like I was a mistake in life and should have never existed. That I’m just a useless human being that can’t even do the simplest things like a damn essay. This has even caused me to have a fear of losing my scholarship if I don’t study enough and it has even caused me to become more depressed.

I even thought of just giving up at one point but at the same time, the fear of getting a bad grade still motivates me to still try and not give up. After having my therapy session today, my therapist made me realize that a grade can’t define how smart or good I am. That it’s just a letter and that I’m already good enough. At this point, I just want to study, finish my exams, and go back home and be with my cat!!!!

Also good luck on exams everyone, you got this :)) (here’s a pic of my baby to help with the stress)