Health

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Wrote this when I was sad

I just want to start by saying we don’t know what we are doing , falling into and out of vibes and unparalleled energies. As we try to balance our everyday struggles, constantly distracting ourselves from the stressors of reality and responsibilities. We often find ourselves feeling ways we can’t explain or understand , turning to music that capture every aspect of your situation freakily. You think you’re feeling better yet you’re just being thrown into an endless spiral of constantly being reminded , reminiscent , saddened. As you realize that that flame , that energy , that connection is coming to an end. Your body repulses the idea , your mind questions and berates the idea , you begin to feel in ways you probably never felt before. Then life catches up to you , while the world you created is shattering crashing before your eyes , you forgot about the world where you were created. Schoolwork , work , bills , your everyday commitments now all stalk you waiting to throw the next punch. What do you do?

Find another distraction!?? No. Build another world!?? No. Get up and get out there!? Noo. Sit and take it and try to understand why you feel this way. Unlock your emotions , become in tune with your body. Ground yourself , re-center, and realign yourself.

Realizing your worth , realizing that you have your own path in life, realizing that everyone in this world has their own life , and realizing that you have to focus on yourself. Will be the best thing for you , don’t force anything with time if . Put your focus and energy back into your life , recall all your energy that people have taken from you. Get back on your shit, excuse my French. Tu parle francais ? No , well maybe , but it’s just a saying. Healing your mental body , developing your physical body , nurturing your astral body.

If you’re reading this I just want to say , What are you waiting for?
“Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you.” – Dr Seuss

SAY THIS WITH ME

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Just take the complement.

Growing up, I had never been very comfortable with my body, specifically in terms of my weight. Throughout high school I was never the most girly or skinny but I was generally okay with that. Uncomfortable at times yes, but I had friends, I played sports and did generally well in school academically so I didn’t have a very unpleasant high school experience. I enjoyed it a lot actually. It wasn’t until after l left my home town and would come back to visit friends and family that I started questioning the way I viewed myself as well as how others viewed me then and now. Without a doubt every time I go home and see someone from high school, close friends, and sometimes even parents of friends, that I haven’t seen in a while, one of the first things that they comment on is my weight. Usually things like, oh my god, you’ve lost so much weight or you look so good now, have you been working out a lot? What’s your secret? And every once in a while someone will add to the end of the comment “not that you ever looked bad or big, you just look really good now.”  I tell myself to just take the compliment, but it’s hard to just take it when there is an underlying negative aspect that I can’t help but to associate with it. These comments really have me self-reflecting a lot because I weigh maybe five to ten pounds lighter than I did in high school, do I really look that different?

Most of the weight loss is not a healthy weight loss. Which took me a long time to realize. More so result of not taking time to eat properly because of stress and anxiety and a general lack of appetite because of it. But everyone responds to my body like I have lost a drastic amount of weight. This has caused me to think excessively about a time in my life that has long since passed. Was I just the funny fat girl who happened to have pretty friends, and that’s why people hung around me? Or were people friends with me because they genuinely enjoyed my company? Even my mother has made the comment of “she just doesn’t eat anymore” when people comment on my weight loss around her. To everyone else, I have lost weight and that’s such a good thing, but for me the weight loss and comments serve as a constant reminder that I have become temporarily incapable of taking care of myself and body because of the stress, anxiety, and depression that I deal with every day. The past couple years have been the most trying for me mentally so having this constant reminder of that adds another layer to the hardship. Work, school, and other obligations are always put first over making sure that my body is healthy and well taken care of, both physically and mentally.

(subversive?) self care
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(subversive?) self care

Its really difficult to talk about self care generally because everyone needs something different, but I also think sharing self care experiences is a useful thing to do.
Itumblr_mc7pq0dxqz1qzyo7n would describe self care as a way of life. For me its not just, taking a shower or treating myself every now and then. Its the day to day moments. Self care is everything from being able to take a step back from my egoic self, and instead of feeling my anxieties and desires with full force, being able to mindfully and compassionately process the situations to make the best decisions I can. Continue reading →

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Anxiety: A Common Body Story

I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder, which means my brain doesn’t know when to stress out about something and when not to. Two of my closest friends also have anxiety, and in a weird way I think it’s made us closer. The stress from our anxiety affects our minds and our bodies. Continue reading →