TW// eating disorders, abuse
Growing up in the dance studio was not all bad. I had friends that I loved talking to and hanging out with, and I loved wearing makeup and pretty costumes. It also felt so good to move my body and gain control over it in a way I hadn’t known to do. Dance also taught me discipline, and the importance of showing up and articulation. And now being an adult, I am very thankful I know how to dance because it allows me to take what I have learned and create with it. But we’re not talking about the benefits, so let’s get into it.
1. Ballet
In order to compete on most dance teams, you are required to take a certain number of technique classes, always including ballet. This is important to note because ballet is the foundation that most classical dancers build off of, so there is no separating ballet from other styles of dance except maybe some forms of hip-hop. So, when someone mainly dances jazz, they most likely have years and years of ballet experience as well. I think ballet is the most toxic form of dancing there is, and it is something needed for almost every dancer, whether they hate it or not.
2. “Dance is life”
I’m sure you’ve heard people say “____ is life” but whenever I heard a dancer say that I knew they always meant it. At least at the studios in my area, people would typically go to dance 4-5 times a week for around 5 hours at a time. Keep in mind those hours are the minimum to be able to compete. And it’s not a myth that some parents homeschool their kids so they can spend more time in the studio. And I think it is like this because of how competitive the sport is. With dance, it is typically all or nothing.
Dance also becomes a huge part of someone’s identity, especially when they really don’t have much of a life outside of dance. I’ve known several people who have gotten older and had an identity crisis after quitting dance. This was something I slightly struggled with as well.
3. You will never be good enough
In ballet especially, there is an unwavering feeling of never being good enough. “Good enough for what” you might ask. To which I say…. everything. That’s at least how I felt, and still feel frequently. There is always something that can be improved in dance. If you look up videos of the greatest dancers in the world, their coach will always have a critique to give after they finish. Because in ballet, you’re supposed to be as close to perfect as possible. Ballet also makes your body move in ways that are unnatural and quite harmful to the body.
That being said, you are constantly worried about your body and the way that it looks because at the end of the day, that’s what dance is. And how do we do that? Mirrors around the whole room. Pair that with skintight leotards, staring at yourself while being told to suck in your lunch. Now add any sort of body issues to that. Say for example, you go home to a mom who is constantly on diets and criticizing her weight and body. Unfortunately, going home to a mother who deals with those issues is very common. This is where eating disorders come in. I personally developed my eating disorder around the age of 12 or 13, and dance just fanned the flames. Looking in the mirror for 20-25 hours a week had a huge impact on my brain and caused body dysmorphia. For those who don’t know. Body dysmorphia is when an individual does not have an accurate perception of their body in the mirror. The mind distorts the image you see to make yourself look bigger than you are or exaggerate insecurities. I still have trouble with mirrors because I can easily get caught in a trance like state. As you can imagine, staring at my stomach in the mirror everyday was not healthy, and I would obsess over it to where I decided not to eat as much so I could stay skinny (mind you I was 13 and hitting puberty). That’s when things snowballed into a much more complex eating disorder. According to National Library of Medicine, “The overall prevalence of eating disorders was 12.0% (16.4% for ballet dancers), 2.0% (4% for ballet dancers) for anorexia, 4.4% (2% for ballet dancers) for bulimia and 9.5% (14.9% for ballet dancers) for eating disorders not otherwise specified (EDNOS)” (Arcelus, 2013).
4. Abuse
I did not experience any physical abuse during my time as a dancer, but I have heard stories. The classics are teachers throwing shoes at students and/or sitting on them to get the dancer to go down in their split. This is a lot more prevalent in other countries, but it still happens. There is also the emotional/mental abuse that occurs. Examples of this are comments about people’s stomachs, favoritism in the team, and ridicule for not doing good enough.
5. Lack of diversity/Intersectionality
Most dancers are women, and a lot of men who dance get made fun of for being “gay.” As with other art forms, dance is seen as something for girls. For other art forms, (painting, singing, drawing) there is more acceptance of men. However, with dance, it is still heavily gendered. This made me think about the nature of dance and being a woman, there is a lot of overlap. I would even say that dance helped to socialize me as a woman. In both being a woman and dancer, there is a desire for beauty and perfection. There is also the concept of not taking up space and making yourself smaller (“bring your belly button to your spine”). Even in freer moves in dance such as a leap, there is still so much control which goes on inside. Dance and being a woman often look effortless, yet there is so much work and pain that occurs behind the pretty face. Even smiling for the audience makes me think of how men tell women to smile for them, like the world is an audience. Have you ever heard the phrase “to be a woman is to perform?” Yeah. Dance really engrained that into me. There’s also “beauty is pain” which I think captures both very well.
Most ballet dancers are thin and white as well. Growing up it was very rare to see a POC ballet dancer. I cannot speak for women of color, and their experiences, but as with many other US institutions, there is racism which occurs. Dance is also expensive as hell. So, the people that dance are only able to do so because of the money their parents are spending. This leads to a major lack of diversity. Dance is also pretty ableist. Sure, there are disabled dancers, but I have never seen any in person. Thinking about the social model of disability, it is not the impairment that hinders people, but the way that dance is not usually accepting or accommodating of disabilities. Due this lack, most disabled people do not feel welcomed in the dance (especially ballet) community. Looking at dance from a stereotypical perspective, it appears there is no room for disabled people. But this is complete BS! I don’t think the dance community has done enough advocating or caring for those who do not look like the typical dancer. Because dance should be accessible and affordable for EVERYONE. Finally, there’s the fatphobia. I feel I do not need to elaborate on this much, although this is one of dance’s most toxic traits. I think dance has gotten a lot more body positive recently, but I see this positivity mainly in hip-hop, which has always been more inclusive. But ballet man…… There is no practical reason why ballet dancers must be skinny other than for the fatphobic people in the audience and in society. Yet this still hinders so many people? Why should one have to change their body to create art? It’s ridiculous.
References
Arcelus, J., Witcomb, G. L., & Mitchell, A. (2014). Prevalence of eating disorders amongst dancers: a systemic review and meta-analysis. European eating disorders review : the journal of the Eating Disorders Association, 22(2), 92–101. https://doi.org/10.1002/erv.2271
Unruly Bodies 